01 February, 2008

Be Happy for Abbey Clancy

In a torrid week for WAG afficiandos, with news of a Cole/Tweedy break-up and a Defoe/Lloyd one also on the cards, STT is pleased to now bring you some gentle reassurance that all is well with at least one footballer’s girlfriend. Last night Abbey Clancy stole the spotlight in a classy black gown at the Cystic Fibrosis Live Charity Event in London, rubbing shoulders with the underwhelming likes of Natalie Imbruglia and David Walliams, who in a further bid to prove his herterosexuality, brought his mum as his guest.

However, Abbey is keen to prove that there any many more strings to her bow than just looking pretty in a dress. She is also keen to prove that she also has a great rack and is due to soon sign on as the new, ahem, ‘face’ of Ultimo lingerie, following in the illustrious, er, ‘footsteps’ of Rachel Hunter, Penny Lancaster and Sarah Harding. The Sun had this brain-meltingly moronic contribution to add: “Abbey certainly has at least two qualities that make her perfect for the job!”

So she looks pretty in a posh frock and has a cracking set of sweater furniture, most girls would be happy to settle for that, but not our Abbey. Before finding fame on reality TV show ‘Britain’s Next Top Model,’ Ms Clancy apparently sang with struggling pop act Genie Queen, and it seems she is now eager to re-capture this glory. She is currently working with self-professed “music guru” (i.e. “twat”) Gordon Charlton at Universal records, as the pair plan an assault on the charts by looking for songs that sound like ‘early Madonna,’ an insider excitedly told STT today.

Be afraid people. As much as I love her, the idea of her caustic Scouse pitch banging out 80s bubblegum pop kind of makes me die a little inside. Does anyone know if you can file a court order to actually ban someone from opening their mouth unless specifically requested otherwise?!