14 February, 2008

Super Skinny Cheryl

Why do girls these days suddenly feel the need to plummet to stick-thin wierdos the second their heart get broken by guys who were obviously dickheads from the start? Whatever happened to the good old tradition of comfort-eating?! Complete with it’s newly printed degree in psychology from Open University, STT would like to suggest that for someone usually in the public eye, this rapid weight-loss is the manifestation of a desire to disappear completely, and for once, simply fade into the background for the time-being. Heavy is the head that wears the crown as they say.

As you can see from these somewhat sad pictures, Cheryl Tweedy has been the latest to follow in this trend, dropping down to a miniscule 6 stone while on holiday with gal pals in Thailand. Bandmates Nicola and Kimberley (the two not-so-hotties) have reportedly been encouraging Cheryl to eat, but according to some idiot who called The Sun yesterday, “she mostly just jumps up from the table after a few mouthfuls and grabs a fag. Because of the stress, Cheryl’s chain-smoking her way through 40 a day.”

This same fellow guest at the luxury resort also revealed how she overheard the exsasperated star telling a friend on a phone call: “Don’t treat me like a victim. I’m not a fucking victim, I’m a grown woman.” To combat this understandable anger and grief, Cheryl’s manager has thoughtfully hired her a Buddhist ‘spiritual guru’ to visit the villa and talk through things with the Geordie vixen. Might we suggest instead a couple of ladyboys and a sprinkle of opium? Well you never see any Thai people upset do you? Must be something to do with their natural resources!

It’s sad because it was always just so predictable; marriages between two individual stars in the public eye so rarely ever work, and when they do, you always get the feeling that it’s only due to mutual beneficence anyway. Perhaps these hot popstars and young actresses need to start looking outside of the usual pools for love-everlasting? Instead of a footballer or TV presenter, maybe they should try dating...I don’t know…say, a website writer??

Anyway, after the unpleasantness of seeing Ms Tweedy’s ribs through her back, check out her and the other ladies looking spanktastic in this exclusive new Girls Aloud video called ‘Can’t Speak French.’ It’s a great song (maybe; I watched it with the sound off) and I think we could probably all do with a bit of cheering up in the trouser region on this most pointless of Hallmark Holidays: