22 February, 2008

I Speeg The Good Eenglish

One of the biggest arguments against hiring Fabio Capello as England manager was that he could hardly speak English. In the time since his appointment, Capello has told the press that he communicates with his squad in the Queen's, but told journalists that he will only talk to them through an interpreter, as they had a habit of twisting what he says. Learning English from a group of poorly educated group of millionares might not be the best way forward and recent reports from the England camp now suggest that he's finding it very hard to understand all the player's local accents :

The Scousers

The England captain's favourite word might be 'eeerm', but Gerrard's delivery usually makes him fairly easy to understand. Rooney's accent can be pretty thick when he's busy turning the air blue in the general direction of officials. Still, Capello must be thanking his lucky stars that the definition of Scouseness, Jamie Carragher, has retired from international duty:

The Brummies

Micah Richards, Gareth Barry and Gabby Agbonlahor share possibly the least desirable vocal inflection in England - the exciting Birmingham accent. Although none of them are deepest 'Black Country', listening to an interview with Agbonlahor can make the eyelids heavy, but it's Micah Richards' first interview with Garth Crooks that surely would have confused Capello, especially his use of the vernacular:

The Laaaahndaners

Ranging from high-pitched squeakyness in the shape of Frank Lampard and David Beckham, to the more drawling John Terry and Rio Ferdinand, the London accent can be a tough nut to crack. Of the players from the capital, Capello's got to be most flummoxed by Joe Cole, especially when he insists on talking in cliches and rhyming slang:

The Geordies

Howay y'bastads. Michael Carrick, Johnathan Woodgate and Stewart Downing all hail from the North East, but there hasn't been a properly impenetrable goerdie accent representing England since the days of Gazza and classy Chris Waddle. Watch out for Gascoigne calling himself a 'thick fucking Geordie bastard' around 2:40:

Canny. Get well soon Gazza.

The ?

Owen Hargreaves' accent is truly a thing of mystery and Capello has repeatedly called security on poor Owen, thinking he's a Germano/Canadian spy. Check this highly informative pie chart and watch the video to be made feeling slightly uneasy: