Names – Billy the Badger
Affiliations – Fulham
Animals – Badger
Colours – Black and White (that means ethnic diversity kids!)
Most common missile pelted with – Harrods Christmas ’08 hampers
It seems that our Billy has been making quite a push for fame recently; consulting with new boss Roy Hodgson on tactical decisions, running complex half-time routines both home and away, and even hogging Match of the Day screentime with his antics whenever possible.
Having recently signed with the famous Neon Management, home to such talented luminaries as Dean Gaffney and various Big Brother slags, Billy was encouraged to raise his profile somewhat in ’08, so things started on New Years Day, with Fulham playing host to local rivals Cheslea. With the Cottagers remarkably going in 1 – 0 up at halftime, Billy saw his opportunity, and sprinted across to grumpy Blues boss Avram Grant to give him a hug. “At the Chelsea game,” Billy told STT today over peach schnaps and a bong, “I just wanted to cheer Avram up as he looked miserable after the first half, although my boss wasn't sure it did the trick!” Chelsea eventually ran home 2 – 1 winners, but the name on everyone’s lips was Billy the Badger.
Then just last weekend, after several weeks of public appearances and an on/off fling with struggling pop star Leona Lewis, Billy was at it again, this time delaying the start of the second half at Craven Cottage with an elaborate break-dancing routine. Referee Chris Foy was obviously amused, but not impressed that Billy was taking so much shine away from the frankly underwhelming match, and so subsequently had him escorted off the pitch back to the technical area. Speaking yesterday to www.fulhamfc.com, Billy offered this: “I apologise to Mr Foy. I'm remorseful of my impromptu antics at the Villa game but badgers are hard of hearing and short of sight. Had I known that he was about to blow his whistle, I wouldn't have begun the break-dance routine.” STT has rarely seen such blatant press-hungry antics in all it’s time mascot hunting, but you have to give credit to Dave Read and his Neon team for their sage advice; bear in mind he’s the one to thank for inflicting the Calum Best epidemic on the televised world so you know Billy will get the very best representation.
Thankfully the FA smiled kindly on Billy at a secret hearing held this morning, and a touchline ban is not forthcoming. “But if Fulham do win the Middlesbrough match (this weekend), I cannot be held responsible for any over-excited break-dancing celebrations that may occur,” he said cagily...