08 February, 2008

Gis Agogo on Yer Bird

Beat that title red tops! I don’t know where they come from sometimes but I guess I just woke up in the zone this morning. Anywho, to celebrate Ghana’s 2 – 1 victory over Nigeria, scorer of the match-winning goal, Nottingham Forest’s Junior Agogo, was on Monday night 0ffered the ultimate reward.

24 hours after the quarter-final win, an 82 year old Ghanaian fan approached Agogo at the team’s hotel and promised his “very beautiful granddaughter” to the player as a way to thank him for his crucial goals. The octogenarian told the startled striker: “I came here last night with my very beautiful granddaughter to introduce her to you. She is not here with me now because she wanted to pick something up from town. Son, when she comes, she is all yours.” The 28 year old playboy was reportedly over the moon as just then he was on his way into town to pick up a prostitute anyway. He told the grand-father: “Thank you, I am waiting to see her.” Unfortunately it transpired that she wasn’t actually all that, a bit too much junk in the trunk if you know what I mean, but still, you have to respect the sentiment of slavery.

Not the dusky beauty that was offered, but probably what Junior was after

While the phrase ‘only in Africa’ springs to mind, one wonders if perhaps this wise old man has hit on something here. Certain players consistently seem to lack motivation, so why not use the incentive of a new girlfriend as a tool to encourage 110% effort week in, week out? Or better still, if they already have a wife, why not simply kidnap her and hold the WAG to ransom? If they’ve got kids, fuck it, grab them too! Nothing says you mean business as a football manager more than blackmail and extortion.