25 February, 2008

Anyone know the Portuguese for ‘Pearl Necklace?’

So it seems young Anderson doesn’t just like hookers, as reported last year when he enjoyed a six hour romp with Cristiano Ronaldo and some escorts in a jizz-cuzzi; he also likes pretty ropey slappers who think that just because The Sun printed photos of their ass, they’re models. Yes, it has been revealed this weekend that the dreadlocked Manchester United Brazilian banged 20 year old Leah Houghton in a bathroom at the glamorous Manchester Travelodge, after meeting the girl and her pals at swanky club One-Six-One in Hale, Cheshire.

On the night out with team-mates, Anderson, who doesn’t yet speak English, asked Patrice Evra to approach Houghton and her pals to pass on the message that he wanted her to have a go on his joystick. He then followed this up with the king of all student-cheese-night moves; he removed a lolly-pop she was sucking, put it in his own mouth, and then returned it to her, all the while presumably never breaking eye contact and licking his lips in a manner not dissimilar to a serial killer. Bizarrely undaunted by this, Houghton and friends agreed to take a trip with the Manchester United boys to the nearby Mariott hotel but as that was unfortunately full, the party had to continue at the slightly less posh Travelodge.

Clearly no stranger to the art of seduction, the 19 year old Anderson continued to turn the screw by writing ‘I Love You’ on the frosty window of their car and pointing at the obviously flattered Houghton, who subsequently spent the entire journey to the hotel playing tonsil tennis with the young South American. As soon as the group got up to one of the lavish Travelodge King suites, Anderson cut straight to the chase according to a gal pal of Houghton’s, immediately stripping down to his boxers and pouncing on top of the alleged beauty. She reportedly exclaimed “what are you doing?!”

Now according to the News of the World, Spanish and Portuguese are basically interchangeable languages, so thankfully the Spanish-speaking Evra was able to translate Anderson’s intention to Ms Houghton: “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” He then ripped off her clothes and had her ride him while he sat on the white throne, all with Evra and her apparently less slutty friends watching TV in the bedroom.

For those female readers out there interested in what Anderson’s like in ‘bed,’ Houghton later described the sex as “fast and rough,” only lasting a matter of minutes (as if there’s any other way) but he did have a “lovely body and was well endowed.” Sarcastically Houghton and friends later joked about what a romantic guy he was, but at the end of the day she still shagged him in a Travelodge toilet so what exactly does that say about her?

Tevez was unimpressed when Anderson offered him his lollipop