19 February, 2008

Speedy Ronaldo dos Santos Aveiro

In Cristiano Ronaldo’s world, almost anything is possible. If he wants to fly home to see a Sporting Lisbon game, it’s no problem; a private jet is but a phone call away. If he wants to have sex with a whole cheerleader squad in his jizz-cuzzi while the onlooking Anderson and Nani tread water; again, it’s as easy as finding Pringles in Kerry Katona’s house. But can he really outrun the world’s fastest production car, the Bugatti Veyron??!

I’m sure you don’t need us to tell you what a ridiculous piece of kit the Veyron is; the fact that it’s top speed is more than 250 mph, and it does 0 – 60 in a little over 2.5 seconds, kind of speaks for itself. Also, if you’re looking for cool points, there is actually a radiator solely dedicated to cooling the pneumatic fluid used to raise and lower the rear spoiler… now that’s pretty decadent.

I’m sure you might also be aware that Ronaldo has got some pretty serious gas himself, and when lowered into a pair of Nike’s brand new orange-peel-coloured boots, can move across the ground as fast as any footballer in the world. Footage has recently emerged therefore showing the Portuguese winger taking on the awesome Veyron in a straight drag race: sprinting 50 metres up a track, turning, and then returning to the starting block, while the car travels the same distance, albeit with the second leg in reverse. The speedy Ronaldo pips the Bugatti on the line to take the kudos, while I imagine the Bugatti was subsequently draped in an Arsenal shirt out of shame.

This is of course part of Nike’s campaign to sell the Mercurial Vapour IVs, but regardless of camera trickery, it’s still pretty damn cool. Ronaldo lucidly said: “It's flattering for me because a car this fast being compared to me, because I am fast, is great.”

Check out the mock-documentary for yourself here: