Trouser-Tightening WAG Round-Up

There’s a veritable fiesta of attractive-lady-based stories circulating around pressland today, so rather than spread ourselves too thinly, we made the executive decision to keep the information bitesize and the pictures the focus because, at the end of the day, no-one really cares what any of this lot have to say do they?

Channelle Definitely Isn’t Copying Posh:

Ms Hayes, so desperate to join the WAG-mafia, has decided that a music career might be the best way to attract the attention of a footballer, so here is a sneak-peak at her debut single, unambiguously titled I Want It. Predictably, Chanelle is her underwear pouting for most of the video, but to be honest, she’s pretty hot in that cheap don’t-actually-want-to-look-her-in-the-face kind of way, so she gets a pass. The ‘song’ however is about as bad as it gets; you know you’re in trouble when Holly Valance and Britney Spears are your chief musical inspirations. When asked about the obvious comparisons to Posh, Chanelle had these words: “Yeah, we wear similar clothes because I choose to, but she sings one way and I sing another. I don't sound like her when I speak and I'm not trying to sound like her when I sing.” You’re right love you’re not, you’ve cleverly just got a computer to sing for you. Check the token black guy at the start to give it a nice ‘street’ edge:

Gemma Atkinson likes Women:

Unfortunately though only when she’s drunk, getting paid for it, and there’s a film crew around. Wait no, that’s perfect! The busty ex-Hollyoaks ‘actress’ was filming with the also-quite-hot Jaime Winstone (daughter of STT’s favourite sexy beast Ray) in a scene for the forthcoming, and undoubtedly awful, TV series called Phoo Action. As described on imdb.com, the plot is genuinely the worst I think I’ve ever heard, even including porno: ‘The year is 2012 and only Buddhist kung-fu cop Terry Phoo and teenage ne'er-do-well Whitey Action can save London and the Nation as a whole from mutant criminals who are taking over.’ I think I’ll pass thanks.

Marcus Bent’s current squeeze describes the perils of movie stardom: “I’d literally just met her and had to have sex with her. The director came up to us with a bottle of vodka and said do what you need to do.” Excitingly, Ms Winstone also had these words about the filming, adding that later in the series she also gets it on with ex-Boogie Nights star Heather Graham: “I prefer sex scenes with women, they're a lot more relaxed and a lot more fun.” If anyone knows how we can get onto the set, please drop us a line at the usual address.

Cheryl is ‘Available’:

At least according to her sizzling appearance in US rapper Will.I.Am’s latest video Heartbreaker, which Ms Cole provides backing vocals for. Art seems to be imitating life as Cheryl seems to get a bit of public revenge for husband Ashley’s indiscretions with other birds and vomit, singing the words as if talking directly to the Chelsea benchwarmer. The song is by no means as bad as Chanelle’s earlier effort but still this stinks a bit of cheese, in the pseudo-pop way we’ve come to expect from the Black Eyed Peas. However, this post is not about the music, so in terms of presenting Cheryl looking good enough to literally kill for, it’s job done:

Coleen likes Audrey Hepburn:

A whole lot it seems, as evidenced in a new photoshoot for Closer magazine where the fiancée of Wayne Rooney aped Hepburn’s classic attire from Breakfast at Tiffanys. She said: “I am modelling myself on Audrey Hepburn. I think she had so much class and I really love her.” Reportedly she has even added a somewhat scary Audrey-themed beauty room to the six-bedroom mansion in Cheshire she shares with Rooney, decorated in black and white and covered with framed pictures of the actress. Was it class she mentioned earlier? Anyway, Coleen is also rumoured to have been the mystery bidder who bought Hepburn’s iconic little black dress from the aforementioned movie for £410,000 at auction last year. It’s a rankly ridiculous amount of money for a dress, but presumably it does come with a built-in stereo and TV for that price?