02 January, 2008

Team Dread World 11

Of all the past World elevens that have graced these pages over the past few months, this has to be the team with the most hair.

Brent Sancho
Having also appeared in the On The Dole World 11 when he was out of a job, Sancho makes his second appearance in a World 11. Thankfully for the big Trinidadian, Millwall have given him a month's contract, with an eye to a longer deal if he impresses. His dreads have accompanied him across a number of continents during his playing career, but will be most remembered for being the object of Peter Crouch's tugging as he scored the only goal in England's 1-0 victory during the 2006 World Cup.

Linvoy Primus (c)
The rugged Pompey man is famous for 3 thing - playing well despite having very little tangible skill, being mates with God and his dreads. When asked about Linvoy's attributes, God was unavailable for comment, but Jesus chipped in, saying that Primus had a 'top barnet'. Cheers Jesus!

Evander Sno
Celtic's forceful midfielder sports his dreads with pride. Apparently, they ward off evil Glaswegian spirits and thrown meat pies at Old Firm games.

Christian Karembeu
Karembeu has always had natty natty dreads and they are the main contributing factor to him looking like a lion from an 80s cartoon. His bonce has not hampered his search for an attractive wife, though.

JayJay Okocha
JayJay is now free of dreads, but still has the best haircut in Hull. That is, until they sign Paul Scharner or Robbie Savage during the transfer window.

Kiki Musampa
Kiki wins the Wyclef Jean Lookylikey contest hands down. He had some nice touches at Man City a couple of years ago, but they gave him the heave-ho and he now finds himself in a Brent Sancho like position, as he is sands club.

Edgar Davids
Davids is somewhat of an imposter on this team. You see, he does not actually have real dreads and the locks that can be seen are actually synthetic and held on by his glasses. Jose Mourinho is aware of this and ironically named his dog Gullit.

Clarence Seedorf
Another Nederlander with a tenuous connection to this team, as he had his rope-like locks lopped off in the nineties. Foolish man.

Frank Rijkaard
Frank had a great shaggy mop back in the day, but now just has curly little clumps on his head. Maybe his scalp has just hit puberty. Apparently, Bernd Schuster brusquely told him as much during last month's Classico.

Jason Lee
Pineapple. On. His. Head.

Henrik Larsson
Henrik has the blondest dreads on the team and would therefore be the subject of much dressing room ridicule and jokes about his ditziness.

Honourable mentions - Kenwyne Jones (lacks commitment), Benjani Mwaruwari (too short), Ricardo Gardner (can be messy), Alexei Lalas (too ginger)