30 January, 2008

Cristiano is Between the Sticks and Red Raw with Two Fat Ladies

Unfortunately that title is a little misleading, as Ronaldo is neither planning to play in goal nor suffering from chubby-chasing chaffage, that was just the most sensational sentence I could piece together from Bingo Caller Slang.

Yes that’s right, Ronaldo has today revealed a passion for blue-rinse favourite bingo. Officially the second best footballer in the world, quite why Cristiano chooses to spend his nights not between the legs of a beavy of popstars but instead playing bingo is not quite apparent.

“It can be very exciting because you can be there waiting for a long time for just the one number to make the game complete,” said the Portugeuse winger, proving once and for all what a nuanced grasp he has of the complex rules that make up this game of chance.

An STT source deep undercover at Manchester United, this morning reported back to us the following revalations. Set your jam to ‘drop.’

“At the moment the other lads are really into their Nintendo Wii games. They have tournaments against each other. But the players know they mustn't risk injuries by playing them too long,” said our unnamed snooper excitedly, “perhaps they would be safer playing bingo like Cristiano.”

Half of the editorial office is pleased that even such a high-flying young player as Ronaldo still has his feet on the ground enough to enjoy the classic English hobby, while the other half is crushed by the naivety of simply not just filling his jizz-cuzzi every night with 10 page 3 models and running sexual obstacle courses.

Conjecture aside, at the end of the day bingo is actually a pretty rubbish game Cristiano. In the future STT suggests Risk, or for more lobotomized thrills, Pop-Up Pirate