You might or might not have noticed that after a delightfully modest rundown of our opening week fortunes, the last fortnight has been somewhat devoid of Boafista updates. While I have realised just how much you good people will be fiending to know how my 5-a-side team has been doing (thanks for the threatening e-mails), we’ve, er, not really performed too well so I’ve kind of glossed over the follow-up reports. Now however, with just one week to go before the crucial promotion/relegation halfway point in the season, we are sitting pretty, second in the league with 5 wins out of 8!
Following our 100% start in the league’s opening round, week two was unfortunately a complete disaster, and we snatched defeat from the jaws of victory in both games. Admittedly the conditions were horrendous (it was the day where an inch of rain fell in about two hours) but that doesn’t excuse the manner of the play. The first loss was 1 – 6 to the highly rated Fidel side who currently sit atop the league overall, but honestly that score-line flattered them; we never really got going after taking an early lead, and they got three of those goals in the last couple of minutes. In the second game we initially bounced back well to take a quick 2 – 0 lead against unknown quantities Joslin Rovers, only to then switch off completely and somehow lose 3 – 2 against a pretty shite team who’s only value is an amusing wanking gag in their name.
We dusted ourselves off however for week three of the competition, and with the sun back out, were confident that we could recover a bit of form. Lacking crucial players, the opening game against Paul Hastings was a tense affair, with shots raining down on the opposition’s goal. To be fair to him, Paul put himself about a bit after we took the lead, chasing down everything even though the poor guy looked absolutely knackered after five minutes. The victory looked sealed after 15 minutes of textbook keep-ball ran Mr Hastings into the ground, but a lucky free-kick and an even luckier deflection gifted Paul his undeserved equaliser. Spirits were low despite a decent team performance, but buoyancy was restored when our second match opposition failed to turn up, gifting us a much-needed three points.
So week four then; soaring temperatures coupled with a serious desire to skip the football and head straight to a pub beer garden was our major obstacle on the walk to the stadium. Like the aspiring professionals we are though, we manned up, and sauntered onto the court to face plucky old Paul Hastings once again, eager to get the three points we deserved the previous week. Vindication is a dish best served hot and in a cheese-topped bap. By that I mean, we trounced Paul easily 5 – 2, with a quickfire brace from myself the obvious highlight. With a crocked super-striker deputising in goal, there were concerns that we might be vulnerable at the back, but Paul really struggled to get in the game as slick passing and the odd flair nutmeg demoralised him into submission.
Game two yesterday then was a grudge return match against an arrogant Joslin Rovers side, who were thinking they were in line to snatch our second-place promotion spot in the league. A nervy start saw them take an early 3 – 0 lead, with long-range pot-shots somehow always seeming to find the back of the net. A slightly homoerotic huddle followed but sometimes that’s all it takes to refocus tired minds. Superstar ringer Andrewinho then decided enough was enough, gliding through two tackles to get our names on the scoresheet. A dodgy penalty then got heads believing the great escape could be on, before the to-date goalless enforcer Robinho unleashed a wonderstrike to level the scores with five minutes to go. Alaninho then gave us the lead before the wondrous Andrewinho turned the screw once again to put victory beyond doubt and complete another 100% week for the Fisters. Their keeper complained a lot, and some short guy kept trying to break our ankles, but no matter, we prevailed, and now march into the league’s final week with a first-place finish solely centred in our collective minds.
As things stand we face league leaders Fidel first up next week, followed by the fearsome Southwark Lions second, who currently are the only team that can stop us attaining the mid-season promotion we so clearly deserve. Tune in next Wednesday then folks around 8:00 up at Mile End stadium where two teams from three will ride high into the Premier League, and one side will be crushed with the mediocre thought of having to play poor old Paul Hastings two more times in the next month.