He doesn’t help himself does he? When he’s not posturing on the field and tripping himself up with step-overs, Cristiano Ronaldo likes to spend a lot of money on clothes. Money however, as the saying goes, cannot buy you taste. Less than a week after wearing a fully white suit to some pointless awards ceremony in LA, Cristiano has decided to up the stakes and show just how ridiculous a man can actually look. Insanely tanned legs? Check. Tiny metallic shorts? Check. Pink ‘vintage’ t-shirt that probably says something ‘esoteric’ in a foreign language? You better believe it. Shoes so white they blind anyone who looks directly at them? Never leaves home without them!
The day same day he was also snapped rocking this interesting little look, accompanied by a guy who just looks like a slighter fatter and gayer version of himself. I guess it’s good for the old ego to constantly walk around with someone who looks the same as you but worse; you’re bound to look good in comparison! Check out today’s copy of The Sun for a truly embarrassing re-write of WHAM classic Club Tropicana by the way, with lyrics changed in a ‘humorous’ way to reflect the fact that they clearly think the pair look very similar to George Michael and Andrew whatshisname, circa 1980. A swing and a miss there guys.
In other news, an internet search of literally 7 seconds will deliver you plenty of new pictures of his former missus, Nereida Gallardo, with her spectacular cans out on a Spanish beach. In girls’ terms, getting photographed so blatantly frolicking means: “you’ll never get to motorboat these again bitch-boy.”