17 July, 2008

Thaksin Shinawatra and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skulls

According to reports today, big wigs at the Thai-owned Manchester City are turning to the wondrous art of feng shui in an attempt to boost their trophy-winning potential. Presumably inspired by the recent underwhelming return of Indiana Jones, so-called ‘magic’ crystals have been buried under the Eastlands turf to, ahem, ‘energise’ the team’s players. Several have already been planted deep underneath the centre circle, and dozens more will be hidden elsewhere around the pitch before the season kicks off on August 16. Quite what these ‘magic crystals’ look like or where they come from is anyone guess, but I do know that if they’re short, there’s a guy who hangs out behind Liverpool Street tube after 10 o’clock who’ll do you a gram of them for 40 squid.

Bosses quite reasonably believe that the crystals will turn the stadium into a hub of “positive energy and harmony,” and a further 100 crystals will also be placed on concrete posts circling the ground. A nameless club source offered this understatement to The Mirror last night: “It's really bizarre behaviour.” The new Thai owners apparently love the superstitious principles of the Far East, and the hope is that the crystals will improve the team's overall performance and ultimately lead to financial abundance.

Unfortunately we were not privy to the secret crystal-burying ceremony earlier this week, but a different (still anonymous) source helpfully said: “They used a special tool and sunk several crystals into the ground beneath the centre circle.” Executive Chairman Garry Cook now plans to also adopt feng shui throughout the 48,000-seat stadium, with reception areas, offices and the club shop being filled with lucky fortune trees, three-legged money toads and buddhas as we speak. The newly-cynical source continued: “The stadium is littered with these bizarre symbols. It's hilarious, one of the fortune trees still has the tag on, it's from B&Q for £24.95. But if it helps us to win games, then who cares?”

Finally, here’s some gypsy mumbo-jumbo from professional feng shui practitioner (read: unemployed) Simon Brown: “Crystals come from deep inside mountains and have a strong energy. Putting them under the pitch will bring that energy on to the field. The three-legged toad and lucky trees are aimed at promoting financial success. But if they really want to affect the players they should change the colour of their jerseys. Teams who wear red like Manchester United seem to win far more often than clubs in blue.”

Great contribution, thanks for that Simon. Now get back to making trousers out of hemp.

2 comments:

liwo said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,

ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
成人交友,
嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,

Anonymous said...

壯陽藥

樂威壯

樂威壯

壯陽藥

樂威壯怎麼使用才正確

樂威壯

壯陽藥

壯陽藥品

樂威壯levitra

levitra樂威壯

樂威壯哪裡買

樂威壯哪裡買

威而鋼

樂威壯

壯陽藥
樂威壯

樂威壯