08 August, 2007

Born sniffing - site overview

We acknowledge that our main emphasis must be on the Premier League, but never fear fellow disciples of the Real LeagueTM (trademark pending!) and below for we shall attempt to focus on all other non-Premier League matters as often as we can too. Expect forthcoming features on promising lower league talent, as well as weekly moments demonstrating why the average Championship player is more worth his place in the International team than Frank Lampard, or Fat Lampard as he is affectionally known as at home these days.

Expect also mild coverage of matters abroad, reporting at least results, but also highlighting great goals and tricks from the big guns in Spain, Italy, Germany and France. Well, maybe not France actually, but perhaps the odd bit of Juninho magic. We want to capture as broad a spectrum of top flight football as possible so even if it just youtube links to nutmegs, you will be kept in the loop. Also, we reserve the right to demand a 10% finders fee on any imported players who we have previously commented on during the course of the website, we have the legit paperwork so don’t even try to get around it. Mourinho I’m looking at you here...one of my friends is (almost) a lawyer and he can’t wait to take you to the “fucking cleaners” as he so eloquently puts it. Scouts gotta get paid too!

So, to today’s launch then. You will find therefore an overview of (hopefully) all Premier League transfers to date, and also some general speculation about each team’s chances this year as I see it. My crystal ball is feeling particularly sharp at the moment so gamblers take note of my wise words and re-mortgage your house for pony; the top four teams at the end of the season will be…in no particular order…well, alphabetical order…drum roll please…Arsenal, Chelsea, Liverpool and Manchester Unitedl! There, you can thank me later. I accept payment by cheque, paypal and niche pornography only.

As you can see, this crystal ball can sometimes produce bizarre and leftfield results but trust me, you can take its word to the bank. I once asked it what form heaven would take after my death and it replied with “re-incarnation as the rose tattoo on Cheryl Tweedy’s upper thigh.” Good enough for me.

Yowzer. Furthermore, we have also attempted to collect together some lists of players to look out for this year, as well as a few short pieces on significant pre-season incidents and news. So, pull your trousers back up and enjoy this new (slightly more social) reason to use the internet and most importantly tell your friends. NOW. Because if you don’t you’ll only regret it later, when everyone else has jumped on the bandwagon and claimed they discovered this veritable Aladdin’s Cave first. Plus, it hopefully won’t be long until this beautifully designed page is sold off for millions of pounds, to be ruined with obnoxious advertising and spam Viagra offers, so get in while you still can and soak up all our hard work while there’s still actually football-related content here. When the advertising companies come a-calling, you best believe we plan to take the money and retire. Who the fuck needs a football blog anyway?

In the future, our hope is regular updates through the week with the latest news and results from around the country, along with some less serious material highlighting the peripheral aspects that make football the greatest thing ever conceived of…namely the showboating, the police run-ins, the ugly wives and most importantly, the failed attempts at showboating that all come hand in hand with low IQs and horrific amounts of money. We are aiming high, and want to set ourselves up as the first place you’ll wanna check for football related news and banter, so stay tuned because we have much planned over the coming few weeks. And if you don’t enjoy what we’ve got to say, we’ll get some slutty photos of players’ wives n shit up asap.

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