Affiliation – West Ham United F.C.
Animal – Bubbles is apparently a bear (although looks more like a Japanese Manga-style cat) and Herbie is not actually an animal but rather a Hammer
Colour – Brown and Gun-Metal Grey respectively
Combined Level of Ridiculousness – 9 (they hug each other a lot…kind of a mixed message to kids)
Most common missile pelted with – Sharpened Danny Dyer DVDs
Distraction(from the hot Hammerettes dancing-girls at half time) Rating –10
For this week’s fantabulous Mascot feature, we have decided to focus on an interesting double act currently running riot in
Seen by some as a thinly-veiled reference to the I.C.F. hooligans’ weapon of choice, Herbie the Hammer has recently been at the centre of great controversy himself, culminating a vicious war of words with underwhelming ex-kids TV show wierdo Timmy Mallet. Herbie struck intellectual gold when he came up with the idea of seeing small foam versions of himself in the club shop, as something provocative for supporters to wave at the opposition, but the struggling Mallet prevented the club from following through after he claimed the toys bore too much of a resemblance to his own copyrighted ‘Pinky Punky’ toy. While preparing for yet another depressing Christmas spent doing cheap pantomime in
Bubbles was introduced as an antidote to the spiky Herbie, bizarrely drawing more interest from the club’s young fanbase than an oversized DIY tool. However, Bubbles too is plagued by his own inner demons. Kidnapped from the wild simply to fit in with the home support’s “I’m Forever Blowing Bubbles” anthem, Bubbles had always dreamed of becoming dramatic actor, even getting a final audition for a part in Pixar’s 1999 movie ‘Toy Story 2.’ The dream was cut short by vicious poachers in Wisconsin however, and now Bubbles is forced to live in a basement at Upton Park, fed only caterpillars, and released into daylight only every other weekend on match day. It truly is a modern tragedy; word on the street was that he was going to be the next