Mascot of the week 4

Name – Robbie the Bobby

Affiliation – Bury F.C.

Animal – Policeman

Colour – Navy Blue

Level of Ridiculousness – 1

Most common missile pelted with – Respect (in an allegorical sense…not concrete letters spelling the word)

Crime Rating (sponsored by 50 Cent’s G-Unit Records) – 10

Allow me to introduce Robbie the Bobby of Bury FC, who is a truly bizarre new entry into our infamous STT mascot annals. Looking like a strange hybrid of Mr. Punch and a Lego man, Robbie the Bobby is perhaps the biggest scrapper in the mascot circle, which is ironic since he actually takes his name originally from Sir Robert Peel, famous for founding the modern police force!

His reign of terror peaked at the start of the 2001/2002 season, after a summer break full of heartache and personal discovery. First up was the visit of Stoke City, themselves armed with a strong mascot, but this did not phase the rebellious Robbie. As the game heated up, he strode round to the away supporters’ end and incited the traveling Potters’ fans beyond belief by full-on mooning them.

Next up, as the Shakers hosted Peterborough United, Robbie was involved in his first proper fight, throwing down with the fiercesome rabbit Peter-Burrow. Don’t let the Beatrix Potter-sounding name fool you: Peter-Burrow can scrap with the best of them, but Robbie the Bobby was victorious after pulling the poor rabbit’s ears clean off. Urban legend has it that Robbie actually ate the ears and consumed Peter-Burrow’s soul, but this has long been disputed by ‘scientists.’

Thirdly, in a second fight of unparalleled brutality, Robbie took on Cardiff City’s notorious Soul Crew enforcer Bartley the Bluebird, banned from the nationwide bare-wing fighting circuit for illegally pecking and flapping at his opponents. As if he had anything to prove, Robbie simply destroyed Bartley and actually removed his head at the end of the fight; as fatal for mascots as it is for humans.

From here on out, Robbie lived by his own rules but following many more complaints of abusive language and threatening behaviour from officials and opposing fans, he was canned by Bury F.C. and forced to re-think his ways down at Gigg Lane.

The fall from grace for Robbie has been dramatic, some would even say Gary Glitter-esque. He can now be found serenely giving out Christmas cards in Bury town centre during festive periods, and spearheading the town’s “five fruit and veg a day” drive around the town market at weekends.

Behind those eyes, the fires still burn though and we at STT just pray that one day, he is unleashed once more. Preferably against that pussy Gunnersaurus Rex at Arsenal.