26 September, 2007

Mascot of the week 6

Name – Barney Owl

Affiliation – Sheffield Wednesday

Animal – Owl

Colour – Brown

Level of Ridiculousness – 4

Most common missile pelted with – Genuine hatred. And sharpened cutlery.

Scare Rating (sponsored by Rob Zombie’s re-make of ‘Halloween’) – 9

Clearly here at STT headquarters, we like mascots, and I think generally, your average football fan likes them too, or at the very least tolerates their banal half-time amusement. Not so for poor Barney Owl up at Sheffield Wednesday, who it appears is universally hated by the home support, having usurped the previous trio of owl mascots, Ollie, Ozzie and Baz, at the start of the 2006 season.

Supposedly, Barney was always the brains behind the owl operation, choreographing each game’s entertainment down to the second, but due to crippling stage fright was never able to actually appear on the pitch himself.

Much speculation followed this dramatic change at the historic club, with rumours abounding of an epic power struggle behind the scenes between the four owls that mirrors the fall off the Roman Republic. Others have pointed to a drug-induced psychosis within Barney Owl (look at his saucer pupils) that made him finally crave the limelight, and that tragically ended in murder when he thought that the famous trio were going to leave him behind and try to crack America by themselves.

Since the disappearance of Ollie, Ozzie and Baz, Sheffield Wednesday have tried to ease the transition into this new age by producing a truly bizarre promotional video, which supposedly was written and directed by David Lynch:

Many fans however still crave the old owls, but all investigations into their disappearence have simply lead to dead-ends and now, over a year later and the forensic trail dead, the worst is feared for the three lovable rogues. Even Ollie, Ozzie and Baz’s parents have been dragged into the case by local police forces, pointing to a feather found at a nest they allegedly built a month after their kids’ disappearance, but thus far still no-one has been charged. All we can do unfortunately is remember them as they were and pray that one day this mystery reveals itself

Also, no post involving owls is complete without a bit of Kevin Day and Paul Whitehouse: