Gameweek 6 – ‘You’re Gunner Have a Good Time’

Happy Monday everyone, and after the exciting international break we are pleased to be back down to regular business. Firstly though, a shout out to the England squad and backroom staff, nobody can really argue with two 3-0 scorelines, even me. Secondly, also a massive big up to everyone involved in Scotland’s glorious win over France midweek, any victory over the French is surely a victory for football in general.
Anyways, another interesting weekend, with two of the big 4 held to goalless draws, and Man City further solidifying their place as serious contenders as they sit second in the league table. In other news, this season’s first North London derby saw a comprehensive victory for Arsene Wenger’s kids, heaping even more pressure onto the strained looking Martin Jol. Its ok Martin, we still like you, just go chill out with a smoke and a pancake and everything with sort itself out soon!

Premier League Team of the Week (based on OPTA stats, Fantasypremierleague.com ratings and my own expert eye):

Keeper – Brad Friedel (several world class saves from the ever-impressive Yank)

Defence – Glen Johnson (handled the very differing threats of Crouch and Torres well), Jaime Carragher (immense as ever), Leighton Baines (impressive both in defence and attack), Danny Higginbotham (confident transition back into the top flight)

Midfield – Cesc Fabregas (ran the game and notched up his fifth goal of the season already), Sebastien Larsson (excellent general play and top drawer set-piece delivery), Papa Bouba Diop (strong and positive throughout), Martin Petrov (Michael Johnson may get all the plaudits but it was Petrov who was behind everything City created)

Up Top – Emmanuel Adebayor (fantastic all round performance, topped off with an early contender for goal of the season), Kenwyne Jones (involved in every attack and caused real problems for an already ragged-looking Reading)

Weekly Awards:

Nutmeg of the Week – Arbeloa getting Benjani with a timely back-heel

Goal of the Week – Adebayor’s cracker of a second goal; sweet first touch to tee it up and then his inordinantly long right leg did the rest
Save of the Week – Dynamite penalty save by Pepe Reina from a rather casual looking Kanu, who was otherwise excellent

Skill of the Week – Didier Drogba's attire on the sideline was sublime. He neatly rounded off a cream blazer with a back to front New-Kids-On-The-Block style cap. Jackass.

Nearest Lampard came to Contributing…er, of the Week – Another big performance by Frank, marshaled the midfield to a thrilling scoreless draw at home to Blackburn. What would they do without him? Additional kudos for still having the appetite for the club game after the pressures of two crucial England performances in a week

Wrestling Move of the Week – Papa Bouba Diop unleashing a running clothesline into Benayoun’s face

UFC Move of the Week – Shevchenko delivers a perfect T.K.O. kick to the head of Samba

Can-We-Have-Our-Money-Back Moment of the Week – £16.5 million pound Darren Bent jogs on with Tottenham 2 – 1 down at home to Arsenal, what better way to win over the home fans than with a goal? Ball drops to him on the edge of the box, no defenders in sight…slices it off for a throw-in. Nice one.

‘Try Saving’ tackle of the Week – Toure spreads his legs (easy now) to prevent Berbatov putting Spurs 2 – 0 ahead, after the Bulgarian had already rounded the suspect Almunia

Blow for England of the Week – Heskey limps off early with a suspected broken toe (never thought I’d genuinely consider the loss of Heskey detrimental to anything but how times have changed)

Best Advert Slogan That Sounds Like a Porno…of the Week – Nike’s new phenomenally titled “Put it where you want it” tour. I’m not gonna say anything, it’s just too easy

Whinge of the Week – Mourinho throwing a TV monitor in the general direction of the fourth official after Kalou was given offside from Belleti’s cross, even though he was actually behind the Brazilian full-back when the ball was played. Interesting. Here’s Jose to clarify: “I could feel immediately the movement, somebody that understands the game and feels the football, smells the situation…it was easy to see, it was obvious.” Er, what?

Quote of the Week – “The team with the best players tends to do the best.” Good to see that years of inexplicable hyperbole haven’t blunted Andy Gray’s powers of deduction.

Hero of the Week – Got to be Dean Ashton for bagging his goal since the FA Cup Final 2006, well done fella, nice to have you back amongst the goals. What is with the haircut though, did you lose a bet?
Zero of the Week – A few candidates for this one but I think it might have to be Shevchenko for yet another apparently clueless performance. It’s almost like he’s been possessed because he seems to have literally no memory of how to even run, let alone kick a ball. Either that or he’s laughing all the way to the bank at the ridiculous wages Abramovich is prepared to give him.

Personal Highlight of the Week – Seeing an old-fashioned contested drop-ball in the Portsmouth match, and would you look at that, no-one got their legs broken or their eyes gauged out. Can we have more of them again please?