Animal – Swan
Colour – White (with an orange bill)
Level of Ridiculousness – 7
Most common missle pelted with – Sheep and Leeks (
Crime Rating (sponsored by 50 Cent’s G-Unit Records) – 8
Officially voted ‘Best Mascot’ by readers of the journalistic juggernaut that is Match of the Day magazine, Cyril the Swan has led a fascinating life, dipping his beak in many people’s back-garden ponds over the years. His career can be characterized like any great zeitgeist icon; a rise to the top, a subsequent fall from grace due to violence and depravity, and then finally an attack of the social conscience leading to altruism and returning adoration.
The story of how Cyril came to call
It wasn’t long before word spread that he was the chosen one: the return of the mythical Swan of
Like so many before him however, fame took it’s terrible toil on Cyril and by the turn of the Millennium, he was addicted to prit-stick and sleazy rent-ducks, while living in a pizza box behind the Crobar club. Cyril finally snapped during an FA Cup match against Millwall, pouncing on Zampa the Lion and ripping his head clean off, before drop-kicking it into the stands. He was so tweaked at this game that when the final whistle blew, he even led a one-bird pitch invasion to celebrate his brutality. A further string of incidents followed, including accusations that he had inappropriately grabbed a referee, pushed the director of
His reign of terror continued off the pitch however, as a dark cloud descended over the usually upbeat Football Furlong Mascot Race in 2001. Witness reports are sketchy, but many place Cyril as the only large white bird at the scene of the crime, as an innocent woman’s wrist was injured during a furied assault on the race-course. Police are still baffled, but to this day the woman (who cannot be named for legal reasons) insists that it was Cyril who attacked her, muttering the sinister words “I told you you’d go down bi-atch” as he cackled uncontrollably.
After an extensive stay in the Zippy-Ford Clinic for Outsized Animals, Cyril was re-introduced into society in 2002, and immediately announced plans to run for Mayor of Swansea, buoyed on by H’Angus the Monkey’s success in becoming the Mayor of Hartlepool earlier in the year. Unfortunately his campaign was subsequently sabotaged, but Cyril no longer holds a grudge, instead turning his attention to securing the post of