12 May, 2008

Orangeboom

Here at STT we rather like Petr Cech. Apart from being one of the best goalkeepers in history, he is pretty much indestructible, capable we hear of surviving 30-storey falls and being repeatedly set on fire. Thing is though, he’s also quite bright, and not just in comparison to Joe Cole. It comes as no surprise then that recently he has been working with some weird people called ‘scientists’ to help in his quest to be literally unbeatable between the posts for Chelsea. Afters hours of research and clinical trials, Cech has finally found his secret weapon, and hopefully, strikers’ kryptonite: an orange shirt.

Studies say the orange colour spreads the most when the striker attacks, in the split of a second as he focuses,” said Cech knowledgably, “this colour is like a sort of alarm or alert which really spreads and is very difficult to avoid, so this should be good for me.” In layman’s terms then, ‘science’ has proved that an orange shirt will distract players more when shooting for goal, and Cech test-drove the world-shaking innovation in Chelsea's crucial title showdown against Bolton on Sunday, although it didn't stop Matty Taylor nutmegging him.

Cech is almost certain to use the new kit against Manchester United in the Champions League final, hoping to give them any extra advantage possible in their quest for that elusive first European Cup success. Despite fears that the colour might clash with Manchester United’s red shirts, a UEFA spokesman told us today that “Chelsea's goalkeeper jersey for the Champions League final match will be fluorescent orange. The reserve jersey will be dark grey. The referee of the game always has the final word regarding the jersey, therefore it is impossible to say today which jersey Chelsea's goalkeeper will be wearing in Moscow.” So that’s nice and clear then.

Those of you with keen memories will no doubt have a sense of déjà vu about this fancy new ‘science,’ as awesome Mexican goalkeeper Jorge Campos famously used to design his own eccentric jerseys in the 1990s with the primary aim of distracting the opposition. His kaleidoscope-style modern art masterpieces were much much cooler though, and as a result his rise to the status of ‘cult hero’ was meteoric to say the least.