iStalk

Being a hot girl and having a crazy-eyed stalker go hand-in-hand like Lambrini and date rape, so it should come as no surprise that Girls Aloud have had their fair share over the years. Just recently though, things seem to have taken a turn for the sinister, with psychotically obsessive fans popping up all over the place trying to steal underwear, causing the girls to significantly beef up their security entourage. The most threatening incident however took place this past weekend when a drunken wierdo snuck backstage and tried to confront our favourite girls. He reportedly sprinted up to the quintet and started shouting obscenities, just seconds before they were due up on stage, and the Filth had to be mobilised to deal with this impassioned lager-lout.

Showing off that nuanced sense for danger that only bouncers have, three alert security guards pounced on the unnamed fan and brought him to his knees as he attempted to touch ginger one’s hair. The girls were quickly whisked out of harm's way, while a still breathless bystander gave this thrilling account: “It was all pretty dramatic,” he ejaculated. “The girls were due on stage in about three minutes time when he ran up to them! He'd clearly had far too much to drink and was stumbling about the place and somehow he got backstage and within yards of the group. Luckily their security team was on the ball and intercepted him before he was able to do anything untoward, but it took three burly guys to bring him down as he was getting really aggressive.”

Wait just one second though…‘obsessive,’ ‘sprinted,’ ‘shouted obscenities,’ ‘too much to drink,’ ‘aggressive’…these words are all starting to form a pattern. Who do we know connected with the heavenly quintet who is obsessive, able to sprint, frequently shouts obscenities, can’t handle his drink and is unusually aggressive given his pubescent-girl physique? Hmmm