24 June, 2008

This Is How We Do It

I don’t know about you, but I am just sick to death of seeing pictures of footballers’ stunning girlfriends frolicking around in the sun on holiday pasted all over football websites. What do they have to do with anything? They’re slutty and have big cans. Yeah, so what? So do my next-door neighbours but you don’t see their candid smiles plastered all over this once-fine page! No, those photos are distributed in the proper manner; anonymously to free pornography sites. Football blogs and websites would be covering football stories goddammit, not lowering themselves to tabloid trash!

Here then is a proper FOOTBALL related story. The aspiring captain of our fantastic national team has certainly earned some time off after carrying his Manchester United team to an admirable League and European Cup double, so what did he do? Call up his also-a-famous-footballer-don’t-you-know brother of course, and now they are enjoying a lovely journey of self-discovery in Israel. You see, Rio and Anton Ferdinand are not only great footballers, but also pretty big wheels in the fashion world, as you can see from their annoyingly hip going-out attire. The two lady-killers hit an unnamed Tel Aviv hotspot (no that wasn’t a joke about bombs) to scope out some foxy chicks, before holding an impromptu 5-a-side tournament at midnight, because you know, that’s what footballers do.

The following day, the two Ferdinands clearly decided to give the ladies a break by just chilling out by themselves in the sea, probably talking football tactics or something while they casually sipped virgin blood. Rio wisely sidestepped wearing another see-through shirt, just because the night before he estimated more than two women had fallen pregnant at the mere sight of his pecs, but he did choose to furnish himself and Anton with matching aviators that definitely do not make them look like a couple. It would be homoerotic if they weren’t brothers.

Thanks as ever to The Spoiler for unearthing this untapped goldmine of fashion advice and mixed-race machismo.

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