05 June, 2008

Wayne, Please Get Photographed Receiving a Wristy off a Trannie

For those of you down with the cool crowd, it should go without saying what happens next week. Our Wayne and his lovely moron of a fiancée, Coleen McLoughlin, are finally getting married in what we can only describe as a truly grotesque ceremony at an Italian ex-monastery. But before every wedding there must first come a stag, and for a man with bottomless spending power, this was never going to be any normal stag. Apparently Coleen assured herself and gal pals that Wayne wouldn’t be going the usual 10-pints-and-a-stripper route, but instead was planning a more family-based “quiet” stag do. How women are masters of convincing themselves that the patently ridiculous is true...

Obviously having a couple of lemonades and talk about his feelings isn’t exactly Wayne’s style, so it should come as no surprise to most of you that instead he is going on a massive four-day bender to Ibiza with 16 friends. The England striker, conveniently free this summer, has hired a luxurious villa and done the sensible thing by stocking it with hundreds of pounds worth of housewives’ favourite, Stella Artois. The Sun got the real inside scoop on this story though, usefully adding that the streetwise and manly group additionally wanted to neck bottles of pregnant-teenagers’ tipple-of-choice: WKD alcopops. Alas the local villa slaves, sorry I mean staff, were unable to find a single bottle of the subtly flavoured nectar on the magical island, so instead have they shall have to resort to Smirnoff Ice. Great contribution there guys, that incredibly incidental fact really ties the whole story together. Anyway, quite why a group of tough, grown men (and Wayne’s two brothers) would go anywhere near WKD or Smirnoff Ice is beyond me, but I guess maybe they all want to do a bit of avant-garde gender reversal.

Sickeningly the villa costs almost as much to rent for the week as I earn in a year, and comes complete with a swimming pool (la-di-da your majesty), a maid service (happy endings presumably included) and a pretentious white ivory piano that I guarantee none of them can play and will probably end up getting smashed before the motley crew fly home. Ever the disciplinarian, Coleen has warned the group (which strangely includes her father and uncle) not to play any pranks on Wayne that could ruin their wedding photos. That proves that love truly is blind, because anyone with any sense would realize that pretty much anything that could be inflicted on Wayne would surely only be an improvement. An anonymous answer phone message told us: “Coleen has also asked Wayne to get a tan for the pictures, so he won’t be stumbling out of clubs at 8am and then going to bed.” Like I said earlier, women can be so stupid. Within the next 24 hours expect to see a photo on this site of Wayne gurning his face off at midday somewhere, bright-red like a lobster.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

成人電影,情色,本土自拍, 美女交友, 嘟嘟成人網, 成人貼圖, 成人電影, A片, 豆豆聊天室, 聊天室, UT聊天室, 尋夢園聊天室, 男同志聊天室, UT男同志聊天室, 聊天室尋夢園, 080聊天室, 080苗栗人聊天室, 6K聊天室, 女同志聊天室, 小高聊天室, 情色論壇, 色情網站, 成人網站, 成人論壇, 免費A片, 上班族聊天室, 成人聊天室, 成人小說, 微風成人區, 色美媚部落格, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人論壇, 情色聊天室, 寄情築園小遊戲, AV女優,成人電影,情色,本土自拍, A片下載, 日本A片, 麗的色遊戲, 色色網, ,嘟嘟情人色網, 色情網站, 成人網站, 正妹牆, 正妹百人斬, aio,伊莉, 伊莉討論區, 成人遊戲, 成人影城,

ut聊天室, 免費A片, AV女優, 美女視訊, 情色交友, 免費AV, 色情網站, 辣妹視訊, 美女交友, 色情影片 成人影片, 成人網站, A片,H漫, 18成人, 成人圖片, 成人漫畫, 情色網, 日本A片, 愛情公寓, 情色, 舊情人, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 情色交友, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 色情遊戲, 情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 色情a片, 一夜情, 辣妹視訊, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊, 視訊美女, 美女視訊, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, 情人視訊網影音視訊聊天室, 視訊交友90739, 成人影片, 成人交友, 本土自拍, 免費A片下載, 性愛,
嘟嘟成人網, 成人電影, 成人, 成人貼圖, 成人小說, 成人文章, 成人圖片區, 免費成人影片, 成人遊戲, 微風成人, 愛情公寓, 情色, 情色貼圖, 情色文學, 做愛, 色情聊天室, 色情小說, 一葉情貼圖片區, 情色小說, 色情, 寄情築園小遊戲, 色情遊戲情色視訊, 情色電影, aio交友愛情館, 言情小說, 愛情小說, 色情A片, 情色論壇, 色情影片, 視訊聊天室, 免費視訊聊天, 免費視訊, 視訊美女, 視訊交友, 視訊聊天, 免費視訊聊天室, a片下載, aV, av片, A漫, av dvd, av成人網, 聊天室, 成人論壇, 本土自拍, 自拍, A片,成人電影,情色,本土自拍,