18 December, 2007

WAGs are Fun part 3

Woot, woot! As an extra special pre-Christmas treat, STT has joined forces with cheap-over-the-counter-replacement-for-rohypnol Benylin to present what we suspect will be the last installment of this ever popular series for the time being. So comprehensive has our coverage been thus far that, unless a new svelte girl group pops up in the near future, we can’t see many footballers ever wanting to look outside of this current pool on display (across our three published articles) to date. So without further ado, let’s see what Santa has in his sack:

Carly Zucker

Now engaged to walking brain donor Joe Cole, one can only assume that as well as having a rack to mountain climb up, Ms Zucker is a very patient woman.

Gemma Atkinson

Some say she is a person in her own right, but let’s be honest, wearing a tight top in Hollyoaks and I’m a Celebrity Please Pay Me isn’t exactly the way to crack the film business is it? Passed around a little bit, Ms Atkinson was once being wooed by narcissistic greaseball (not in a racist way) Christiano Ronaldo, but has now settled for permanent nearly-man Darren Bent.

Martina Colombari

Say hello to the missus of Italian star Alessandro Costacurta. A former Miss Italy, the Milan legend has done alright here.

Nicola Tappenden

A.k.a Nicola T, this page 3 hoochie has been passed around the Premier League more than A Dummy’s Guide to Speaking English, but is most famous for her relationship with underwhelming West Ham striker Bobby Zamora. She appeared in ITV2 ‘hit’ WAG’s Boutique and even entered the Miss Great Britain contest as Miss Croydon. Although she’s now dating QPR ‘star’ Simon Walton, Zamora still claims to have a blown-up picture of Nicola's breasts applied to the ceiling above his bed. Class.

Cassie Summer

Another WAG’s Boutique alumni, Cassie dates Chelsea powerhouse and all round person-you’d-least-like-to-meet-in-prison Michael Essien. If he asked you to dress like this, would you tell him no?

Amii Grove

Very cute model, and now staple Nuts/Zoo girl, Ms Grove shot to fame after dating part time criminal Jermaine Pennant. She saw sense not long after and was last seen sleeping outside STT’s editorial office begging for “something to warm her up.”

Krystall Sidwell

Say what you want about Steve Sidwell but he must be doing something right as Krystall actually seems quite classy. His missus dresses properly, can form full sentences and isn’t an attention grabbing floozie. He’s missed a trick there, that’s not what being a footballer is all about!

Charlotte Mears

Ignore for a second the kaleidoscope that appears to have thrown up on Ms Mears legs and you will realize that she’s a hot girl-next-door type that oozes naivety. England flop Jermaine Defoe could clearly smell the blood in the water when he bagged her, but has since made the daft decision to dump this beauty for professional cum dumpster Danielle Lloyd:

Big props to Hefner for letting us use this pic. You know talent when you see it!

Noémie Lenoir

It’s fitting that one of the coolest footballers around these days, Claude Makalele, should have such a stunning wife, and being French, she has the grace to not parade around Soho with her norks out and no pants on. God I hate the French…

Lisa Munday

Into the murky waters of the Championship then briefly to give a big up to the somewhat forgotten Jamie Cureton. With her to save his energy up for, perhaps he doesn’t mind sitting on the bench 24/7 after all.

Sabrina Keogh

Jermaine Jenas may not be the sharpest tool in the box but he clearly has an eye for skirt. We shouldn’t be too cynical about this pairing though as they’ve actually been together for years and she’s just given birth to their first child, who’s life they have effectively ruined by naming her Sancha.

Nagore Alonso

Married to adopted Scouser and all round gent Xabi Alonso, not much is really known about Nagore other than she’s Spanish and very beautiful.

Silvina Luna

And finally we present this stunner, currently going out with…Diego Maradona? That can’t be right. She is 27 years old, coverstar of Argentina’s Maxim, stand-up comedian and TV star; he is a disgraced 47 year old tubby guy. He must be hung like a mountain horse.

Click here to remind yourself of part 1 and part 2.