A metaphorical tip of the hat has to go to Private Eye here, as many of these have also appeared in their famous ‘Colemanballs’ section (and subsequent series of books) over the years. For those not down, David Coleman is an old sports commentator famed for his verbal faux-pas and the magazine started a 'Colemanballs' section years ago, which was then extended to cover all sports casters, as the yanks like to call them. Here then are the very best of the football related comments from years past:
"The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even on a sunny day."
"I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
"Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals."
"Youu don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals."
"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs..."
"The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost's eyes."
"They (Rosenborg) have won 66 games, and they've scored in all of them."
"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen."
"It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday."
Unknown commentator on Radio 5 Live
"...but Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of their nine goals."
"What will you do when you leave football, Jack -- will you stay in football?"
"Ardiles strokes the ball like it was part of his anatomy."
"If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect the same thing again."
“Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."
"We threw our dice into the ring and turned up trumps."
"I'm not a believer in luck..... but I do believe you need it."
"The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee."
"I spent four indifferent years at Goodison Park, but they were great years."
"Souness gave Fleck a second chance and he grabbed it with both feet."
"Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team to win this Cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs side."
"Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different."
"A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave."
"In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale."
"What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio"
"If we played like this every week, we wouldn't be so inconsistent"
"He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head"
"They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Highway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different"
"The only thing I have in common with George Best is that we come from the same place…play for the same club...and were discovered by the same man"
"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat"
"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip"
"I don't think there is anybody bigger or smaller than Maradona"
Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany has got of getting through?"
Terry Venables: "I think it's fifty - fifty"
"And he's got the icepack on his groin there, so it’s possibly not the old shoulder injury"
Christmas Bonus Quotes!!!
"Tell the Kraut to get his ass up front. We don't pay a million for a guy to hang around in defence."
NY Cosmos executive, on Franz Beckenbauer's positioning
"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered"
"That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."
John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was
"We didn't underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought."
Bobby Robson after England nearly lost to Cameroon, WC 1990.
"We'll still be happy if we lose. It's on at the same time as the Beer Festival."
Niall O'Mahoney, Cork City manager before UEFA Cup game v Bayern Munich.
"It's hard to be passionate twice a week."
George Graham speaking about Arsenal's punishing schedule in 1991.
"I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones"
Chris Turner, Peterborough manager
"Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot."
"Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money."
Newcastle United fan on Radio 5 Live