21 December, 2007

Great Commentators Slip-Ups

A metaphorical tip of the hat has to go to Private Eye here, as many of these have also appeared in their famous ‘Colemanballs’ section (and subsequent series of books) over the years. For those not down, David Coleman is an old sports commentator famed for his verbal faux-pas and the magazine started a 'Colemanballs' section years ago, which was then extended to cover all sports casters, as the yanks like to call them. Here then are the very best of the football related comments from years past:

"The new West Stand casts a giant shadow over the entire pitch, even on a sunny day."
Chris Jones

"I would not say he (David Ginola) is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better."
Ron Atkinson

"Both sides have scored a couple of goals, and both sides have conceded a couple of goals."
Peter Withe

"Youu don't score 64 goals in 86 games at the highest level without being able to score goals."
Alan Green

"I was saying the other day, how often the most vulnerable area for goalies is between their legs..."
Andy Gray

"The lad got over-excited when he saw the whites of the goalpost's eyes."
Steve Coppell

"They (Rosenborg) have won 66 games, and they've scored in all of them."
Brian Moore

"If you can't stand the heat in the dressing-room, get out of the kitchen."
Terry Venables

"It's now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday."
Unknown commentator on Radio 5 Live

"...but Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of their nine goals."
Tony Gubba

"What will you do when you leave football, Jack -- will you stay in football?"
Stuart Hall

"Ardiles strokes the ball like it was part of his anatomy."
Jimmy Magee

"Mark Hughes at his very best: he loves to feel people right behind him..."
Kevin Keegan

"If history is going to repeat itself I should think we can expect the same thing again."
Terry Venables

“Gary always weighed up his options, especially when he had no choice."
Kevin Keegan

"We threw our dice into the ring and turned up trumps."
Bruce Rioch

"I'm not a believer in luck..... but I do believe you need it."
Alan Ball

"The Uruguayans are losing no time in making a meal around the referee."
Mike Ingham

"I spent four indifferent years at Goodison Park, but they were great years."
Martin Hodge

"Souness gave Fleck a second chance and he grabbed it with both feet."
James Sanderson

"Tottenham are trying tonight to become the first London team to win this Cup. The last team to do so was the 1973 Spurs side."
Mike Ingham

"Merseyside derbies usually last 90 minutes and I'm sure today's won't be any different."
Trevor Brooking

"A contract on a piece of paper, saying you want to leave, is like a piece of paper saying you want to leave."
John Hollins

"In terms of the Richter Scale this defeat was a force eight gale."
John Lyall

"...an excellent player, but he (Ian Wright) does have a black side."
Gary Lineker

"I'm going to make a prediction - it could go either way."

Ron Atkinson

"What I said to them at half time would be unprintable on the radio"
Gerry Francis

"If we played like this every week, we wouldn't be so inconsistent"
Bryan Robson

"He's one of those footballers whose brains are in his head"
Derek Johnstone

"They compare Steve McManaman to Steve Highway and he's nothing like him, but I can see why - it's because he's a bit different"
Kevin Keegan

"The only thing I have in common with George Best is that we come from the same place…play for the same club...and were discovered by the same man"
Norman Whiteside

"I never comment on referees and I'm not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat"
Ron Atkinson

"For those of you watching in black and white, Spurs are in the all-yellow strip"
John Motson

"I don't think there is anybody bigger or smaller than Maradona"
Kevin Keegan

Jimmy Hill: "Don't sit on the fence Terry, what chance do you think Germany has got of getting through?"
Terry Venables: "I think it's fifty - fifty"

"And he's got the icepack on his groin there, so it’s possibly not the old shoulder injury"
Ray French

Christmas Bonus Quotes!!!

"Tell the Kraut to get his ass up front. We don't pay a million for a guy to hang around in defence."
NY Cosmos executive, on Franz Beckenbauer's positioning

"I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered"
George Best

"That's great, tell him he's Pele and get him back on."
John Lambie, Partick Thistle manager, when told a concussed striker did not know who he was

"We didn't underestimate them. They were a lot better than we thought."
Bobby Robson after England nearly lost to Cameroon, WC 1990.

"We'll still be happy if we lose. It's on at the same time as the Beer Festival."
Niall O'Mahoney, Cork City manager before UEFA Cup game v Bayern Munich.

"It's hard to be passionate twice a week."
George Graham speaking about Arsenal's punishing schedule in 1991.

"I've told the players we need to win so that I can have the cash to buy some new ones"
Chris Turner, Peterborough manager

"Unfortunately, we keep kicking ourselves in the foot."
Ray Wilkins

"Football today, it's like a game of chess. It's all about money."
Newcastle United fan on Radio 5 Live