04 December, 2007

Young by Name but All Grown Up Downstairs

Another week and another Premier League star who wants to show a girl what he looks like naked and is then surprised when the press get hold of the snaps. This time it’s decent Aston Villa winger and England prospect Ashley Young, who put on a hot webcam show of himself stripping and then ‘meeting Lady Palm and her Five Lovely Daughters’ for beauty therapist Sarah Taylor, whom he had literally just met on the Webcamo dating site. This shocking story comes just weeks after struggling Portsmouth reject David Nugent texted photos of himself naked to a rather young lady he’d met out and about in the south coast slum paradise.

So picture the scene: you’re relaxing in a hotel room away from home just a few hours before making your England debut in a crucial qualifier against Russia. You’re nervous, looking for some stress relief, so what do you do? It’s too cold outside to go find a prozzie, and let’s face it, straight-on-straight male action is totally like 2006 man, so you fire up the old internet and search for spank bank material.

Minutes after finding Ms Taylor, he was “bombarding” her with seedy text messages, describing all sorts of niche sexual fantasies that STT has only ever heard of in court cases. Grabbing his enormous tool, described by the Bristol-born 21 year old beautician as looking like “a baby’s arm holding an apple,” Young then announced “I'd love to lick your nipples, making them nice and hard.” He then took it one step further, ignoring all website protocols: “I wanna have my cock between your tits and you sucking the top of my dick.” Who says romance is dead?

Pretty Sarah exclusively told us exclusively that she was somewhat put out: “I’d gone on for some flirty chat but what I got was a randy sex addict!” At first he seemed nice and friendly apparently, but it wasn’t long before he started to push forward and parade himself online. “I couldn’t believe someone was being so forward,” she cooed, “he’s got an impressive package but I was amazed he could just show it off like that.”

STT sympathises with young Young, and encourages him in the future to always wear a mask when treating his body like an amusement park online. Chicks love masks, especially Mexican amateur wrestling masks.