15 November, 2007

Ban This Filth!

Just weeks after finally beginning his season at the end of October, following an ongoing foot injury, Joey Barton has already shown himself for the unbelievable piece of shit he is by flying in with waist high stamp/tackle on all-round gent Dixon Etuhu during this weekend’s Wear-Tyne derby.

Just 25 years old, Mr Barton has proved to everyone time and time again what kind of man he is, and we at STT just fail to see why people continue to indulge him. With a track record like he had at Manchester City, what did Newcastle think they were buying? A good professional? Bringing the game into disrepute doesn’t even begin to cover some of the incidents he has been involved in over the course of his brief five year career to date, yet the arrogance with which he swaggers would have you believe he was an award-winning ambassador for the sport.

It all started in 2004, when during an FA Cup game with Tottenham, he managed to get himself sent off during the half time break by arguing with the referee. Next, during a pre-season friendly with Doncaster Rovers, he took a kick at an opposition player for some reason, and managed to spark a 10 man brawl. Perhaps the pinnacle of his scumbag behaviour however came later this year at an infamous club Christmas party where, as part of the festivities, he decided to put a cigar out in a young trainee player’s eye. Instead of sacking him for this horrific incident, the club fined him £60,000 (two weeks wages) and politely asked him to try not to do it again.

The following summer Barton decided to get even tougher, and start a fight with someone even younger, when, on tour with the club in Thailand, he punched a 15 year old Everton fan in the face and had to be restrained from doing further damage by Man City gentle giant Richard Dunne. Again dismissal was rumoured, but it was decided that another fine (this time £120,000) would be enough to teach Barton a lesson in social conduct. A written transfer request followed, as well as incidents of mooning opposition crowds, all actions that Barton laughs off as products of his rapier-like sense of humour.

Here’s the point in his career where he makes the mistake of opening his mouth to the media. You see, our Joey’s not exactly blessed with the greatest intellect, and upon finally being called up to the England squad to face Spain in a friendly, he thought it wise to first criticise the team over their 2006 World Cup campaign:

"England did nothing in that World Cup, so why were they (Gerrard, Lampard etc) bringing books out?” Barton quipped, “'We got beat in the quarter-finals. I played like shit. Here's my book.' Who wants to read that?" Amazingly he was praised for his honesty by certain national squad members but still, as un-professionalism goes, this was up there even for Barton.

Still not learning his lesson, he next turned his loudspeaker onto Manchester City, calling their performances and recent signings “substandard,” leading to somewhat of a falling out with manager Stuart Pearce. The final, final straw came however during another bit of light-hearted fun, this time on the training ground where Barton assaulted his own team mate Ousmane Dabo in front of a group of on-looking children, brought to the exhibition match as a treat. Dabo urged the police to pursue criminal charges after he suffered a detached retina, but strangely everything has gone very quiet on this front. City rightly washed their hands of him and apparently Newcastle were all too happy to take him off their hands, splashing out £5.8 million for the privilege as well.

Outside of the game, Joey’s had his moments as well. In 2005 he broke a pedestrian’s leg after hitting him with his car driving through Liverpool town centre at 2 a.m., definitely not drunk. Again, amazingly nothing ever came of this. Similarly a year later during an FA Cup game with Aston Villa, Barton pushed a female steward over and called her a “slag” in front of police officers, but once more, they felt that a telling off would more than suffice for such a sensitive soul. Finally, just 6 months ago, Barton was arrested on suspicion of criminal assault and criminal damage after an incident with a taxi driver, that bizarrely, but not for the first time, never made it to court. If all this wasn’t enough to turn you off, Joey’s half-brother Michael was also involved in the racially motivated axe murder of 18 tear old Anthony Walker in 2005, and is now rotting in jail for 17 years.

Despite all of this though, our Joseph is still thought of as a great British prospect by some, and hangs out with Ricky Hatton and Noel Gallagher in his spare time, and gets paid £70,000 a week, and manages to date girls that look like this-

What is the world coming to?

Ok, I’ll just cut to the chase and say in 5 words what I’ve tried to articulate over the course of the past 800 words - he is a complete cunt.

Thanks to my cunt eleven for making this so very clear to us.