The Shoes Maketh the Man

Often I have thought that the one thing holding me back from going pro was not having the right pair of Astroturf shoes. Now however, I think my time has come because finally I have got an awesome pair of Adidas F30.8 indoors to stroll around in majestically while I carve open many a hapless opposition team.

There are made by using science, and that involves the grafting of a lightweight microfiber synthetic material by Eastern European virgins for a comfortable fit. That’s why these beauties are so prestigious. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to find an Eastern European virgin these days?

Finally, here’s the sexy part: not only do they look like NASA discovered them, but they also have a handy Agion antimicrobial lining to limit bacterial and fungal growth.

Aesthetics – 9 / 10

Opinion-dividing to say the least…many of my male friends think they’re a bit “garish,” but they all have appalling dress senses anyway, so their collective opinion is void. Chicks dig ‘em though, and most importantly so does the person giving the final rating, i.e. me

Touch – 9 / 10

These shoes have a nice little fold-over tongue feature, which goes over the laces and increases proper usable kicking surface. So, if unlike me you aren’t amazing at football, you won’t have to middle all your passes and shots quite as well to get a favourable outcome. Also if you struggle with laces generally, the velcro’s got you covered.

Scoring ability – 1 / 10

Alas it was a poor week generally for Boafista, and I myself am in the midst or a relatively barren scoring spell. This is not because I have lost it though. It is in fact more reflective of the responsible Claude Makalele-esque water-carrying job I am doing at the back.

How much of a kicking did I get wearing them – 8 / 10

Opposition meatheads took exception to the stylish translucent blue panelling along the sides of the shoes and thus tried to break my ankles because of it. Do not let this put you off however; the more people try and blood-thirstedly kick you, the easier it is to nutmeg them. Fact.

Big thanks go out to the kind folks over at SoccerPro.com for sending us these delightful shoes to try out. They’re good folks over there, and provide top quality gear whether you want shirts, balls or shoes. They definitely didn’t pay us to say that.