He Drinks, He Drives, He Spits in People’s Eyes

In case you haven’t noticed, things aren’t going so well up in Sunderland at the moment. Despite recording their first victory over bitter local rivals Newcastle in many decades a couple of weekends ago, they have since been humbled by Stoke, and been truly humiliated by an irresistible Chelsea performance that even saw Nicolas Anelka bag a hat-trick. Now Roy Keane isn’t the happiest of men generally, but I imagine this is going to tread on his dick even more.

You see, full-time supreme spitter (and part-time striker) El-Hadji Diouf was snapped necking champagne in a trendy bar just hours before his team were thumped by Chelsea. The photo here shows the sweaty star clutching £300-a-bottle Cristal alongside a DJing pal late last Thursday night, less than 48 hours before he came on as a substitute at Stamford Bridge. The Senegalese forward was allegedly partying with fellow Black Cats stars Pascal Chimbonda and Djibril Cisseat Newcastle’s Living Room bar, celebrating the birthday of Newcastle striker Obafemi Martins, who himself managed quite a tasty little performance last night against Aston Villa.

Fans were apparently “shocked” as they watched Diouf drink bubbly and party into the early hours. One wasted onlooker offered this concise summation: “Diouf’s top was drenched in sweat and he was hugging the DJ. At one point he even started rapping in African as he held a bottle of Cristal in one hand.” I don’t know about you, but that sounds like literally the most entertaining sight I can conceive of! The reliable source continued: “He was with two other Sunderland players, but they didn’t seem to be drinking. They were watching in the corner but Diouf was having a ball. We had no idea that he was meant to be playing against Chelsea.”

A source at the club said: “The manager has not seen the picture yet but is aware that some players were out on Thursday night. It doesn’t look good, especially when they then lose so heavily on Saturday. Fans that travel hundreds of miles to watch the team away from home don’t expect to see players partying less than 48 hours before games. I’m sure Roy will take action over the next couple of days.” For a man who transfer-lists players for just being late to training, this kind of behaviour is surely tempting fate? Surely having Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday nights all free to go out and get wasted is enough?? I mean, it’s not like Diouf is any good or anything, but come on!