Sidewinder

Already this Premier League season we’ve had a couple of pretty decent missile-throwing incidents, but does anyone else think as a whole this country is getting into a bit of a creative rut? Come on people, try a bit harder, it’s always bloody coins! What we at STT are looking for is a bit more passion and situational invention; you know, the kind of spirit that just says “I am so pissed off right now that I’m just going to throw my son’s PSP at that prick Lampard.”

Now Germans don’t have a lot going for them generally, but what they do do quite well is show complete disregard when it comes to missiles at football matches. This past weekend Frank Baumann, the Werder Bremen captain, was struck by a mobile phone battery lobbed from the stands in a vicious incident during the infamous ‘Nord Derby’ with rivals Hamburg. The German Football Association today launched a probe into the incident, and Hamburg face a huge fine if found guilty of failing to control their fans, although Baumann himself has decided not to press charges against the culprit. He told sports paper Bild: “I don’t have headaches anymore, only a light pressure pain,” which is good I guess.

So he is number one in our list here, followed (in no particular order) by 15 of our other favourite missile-throwing incidents from around the world. Well, from around Europe anyway. If we’ve missed anything else great please drop us a line in the usual way:

1. Baumann was struck in the head by a phone battery; in this photo you can see Claudio Pizarro handing the thrown object to the referee.

2. In a game against Freiburg back in 2000, then-Bayern keeper Oliver Kahn was hit in the head by a golf ball causing quite a lot of damage around his previously beautiful face.

3. A couple of years ago now AC Milan's keeper Dida was quite famously hit by a firework during the Champions League quarter final against bitter rivals Inter Milan. Unsurprisingly the game was then abandoned.

4. Back in the 80s they knew the score. Here the Bayern keeper Jean-Marie Pfaff is handing the referee a 2-foot metal bar which was thrown at him during the European Cup semi final in 1987 with Real Madrid. He claims that Real fans also threw actual knives at him. Now that’s hardcore.

5. And here is another Bayern keeper, Sepp Maier, brandishing a knife to the ref that was thrown at him by a teenage Essen fan at the Georg-Melches stadium in 1971.

6. Here is some chap called Alexander Laas bleeding quite a lot after being hit by a drumstick thrown at him by a Cologne fan in December 2005. Another pretty accurate shot, nearly got the poor chap in the eye.

7. And Oliver Kahn makes another appearance, this time after being hit by a chestnut while playing for some team called KSC in 1993. It’s almost as if he’s a cock and everyone hates him.

8. In maybe the most famous incident of premeditated missiling, an actual pig's head was thrown at Luis Figo by fans of his former-employers Barcelona in 2002 after he moved to bitter rivals Real Madrid.

9. The unlucky linesman enjoying a lie down here is a Dutch bloke called Kai Voss, who was knocked out by a beer glass while referee-assisting in Stuttgart a couple of years ago. Pretty unpleasant I think you’ll agree, but he won’t give another dodgy offside against Stuttgart will he? WILL HE?!

10. An amazing La Liga-based incident here, with Spanish referee Miguel Angel Ayza picking up am empty whiskey bottle that was thrown at him during a game between Athletico Madrid and Sevilla.

11. Swedish referee Anders Frisk was hit in the head by a lighter while walking off at half-time during a game between AS Roma and Dynamo Kiev in 2004. He had stirred great unrest with the home faithful after sending off Philippe Mexes, and Kiev were subsequently awarded a 3 – 0 win after the match had to be abandoned.

12. Before he ruined his promising career by taking over at Spurs, Juande Ramos was hit in the head with a full bottle of water in a match between Real Betis and his Sevilla side. He was unconscious for 11 minutes and the match was obviously also abandoned.

13. Ok, now we start getting seriously creative. Back in the Milan derby in 2001, Inter casuals genuinely managed to somehow smuggle a scooter into the terraces and subsequently threw it down onto the pitch. Good effort lads.

14. Fans tearing apart their own stadium is pretty dumb, but isn’t that scarce around the world. However, we decided to pick up Red Star Belgrade’s fans doing it because as part of the same riot they also just indiscriminantly starting stabbing people, regardless of affiliation. Nice guys.

15. Probably my favourite incident on the list actually took place during the same match where Juande Ramos was hit with the bottle of water. It makes the list again though because, in addition to throwing several bottles, Betis fans also chucked a cat onto the pitch! Why you would think to take your cat with you to the game is beyond me, but kudos, the bar has been set pretty high.

16. Finally then, and I can’t find any documented proof of this, but I remember I few years a fan was arrested after hurling a huge bunch of keys onto the pitch at an opposition player while he took a corner. Nice idea genius, how exactly are you going to drive home / get into your house / unlock your wife from her cage? Also, having your name and address on the key fob probably wasn’t the smartest move.