Good old Jermain Defoe. We haven’t heard from him in a while have we? Well unfortunately he’s been kind of busy actually playing football, and say what you want about his personal life, he’s been performing pretty damn well on the pitch. He celebrated his winning goal against Stoke yesterday with a pre-emptive birthday party at swanky London hot-spot Maya, where as you can imagine, the crème de la crème of busty slags were in attendance in the hope of offering a vessel for the Pompey’s man undoubtedly tepid seed.
Some other men managed to slip through the net though, most notably current team-mate Sol Campbell and the-only-man-in-the-league-that-makes-him-feel-tall, Shaun Wright-Phillips. Obviously the usual dirge of reality TV brain donors were invited too, but the story of the night was a dichotomy between two women. One, Abbey Clancy, provided some much needed class to the event, looking frankly delectable in an understated black ensemble, while the other, Jodie Marsh, took the complete opposite tack.
She decided that the best way to remind everyone that she’s still alive was to return to type, and just start flashing her cans at anyone with even a camera phone. She’s so rough already, but managed to actually damage her reputation even further by turning up with a man who is so instantly dislikable that I guess they’re kind of made for each other. Enormous face and vacant grin that screams Valium-induced numbness? Check. Shit haircut? Check. Getting-dressed-in-the-dark-is-the-new-black fashion statement? Double check. Insatiable desire to show off his six-pack at every opportunity as that’s literally the only thing he’s ever achieved with his life? You better believe it.
Someone please round these two up and gas them.