Rio In Da Club

Fresh from mercing the Premier League for a second consecutive year, Rio Ferdinand was understandably in the mood for partying last night, and was so excited about Manchester United’s official end-of-season party that he forgot to bring any photo ID. As any good bouncer will tell you, that is just not on, and despite being dressed in United colours with a winners medal actually hanging around his neck, he was refused entry while his identity was confirmed. Now as we told you a little while ago, there is a burgeoning imposter scene developing within this country, with Mission: Impossible-esque face/body/voice transformations no longer reserved only for the world of science-fiction. The bouncer at Manchester’s cleverly ‘MANCH235TER’ 235 Casino was therefore totally justified in stalling the so-called United defender, as it could’ve just been anyone turning up with Rio’s face, clothes, medal and girlfriend.

Thankfully confirmation arrived in the form of a grainy passport scan through the casino’s fax machine, so the mix-up was sorted, and Rio was then able to successfully get down with his bad self. A mysterious source lucidly told The Sun: “It was totally ridiculous. The doorman demanded that Rio produce ID even though everyone knew who he was. You could tell that Rio was desperate to join his teammates in the party, however he waited patiently for the mix-up to be sorted out.” With his trademark gun hands cocked for action, Rio was ready to “blap up dis foolz manor,” however arm-candy Rebecca Ellison talked him down with promises of milk and cookies when they got home. Reportedly this was the only real incident of the night as, for the first time in recorded history, Manchester United and their WAGs managed to have a night out with less than five people getting raped. Huzzah!