Down to Earth

Christ, it must be pretty rough being a Derby fan. After literally the worst top flight season in English football history, they opened their Championship account this year with a home defeat to newly-promoted Doncaster. At home. Ouch. Paul Jewell’s record as the Rams boss is now 1 win out of 29, and however you decide to chop it up, that is miserable to say the least. I’m sure fans were thinking from about March onwards last season that they would remember what is was like to win again soon enough, but this weekend’s defeat will have raised some serious concern amongst the Rams faithful. Obviously let’s not jump to sensationalist conclusions after just one game, but I’m not sure I would be that surprised if Derby were to go straight through the Championship this year and end up in League One this time next season. I don’t think they will, but based on the overall ability of the team and the competitiveness of the Championship, it could happen. Defensively, the word woeful doesn’t quite cover it, but in Roy Carroll they thankfully have a top class goalkeeper, who’s worth at least a couple of goals per game. Up top, well, I just struggle to see where goals are gonna come from. Anyway, like I said, there’s little value in giving them the last rights just yet, so kudos to Doncaster on a great showing.

The other recently-relegated sides also found life hard back in the Championship, with tight games against tenacious opposition to signal that respecting reputations it is not what this league is all about. Birmingham on paper have to be favourites to bounce straight back up, and in Larsson and McFadden especially, they have players that’d walk into most top half Premier League sides. After much delightful interplay though, Birmingham found Sheffield United too resilient too actual football, and so with 93 minutes on the clock, a long ball found new signing Kevin Phillips, who controlled and swivelled effortlessly to score once again on debut and give the Blues the points. Reading meanwhile were also given a game, this time by another newly-promoted side, Nottingham Forest. It’s great to see them back in the big time, and they proved that they have every right to be there against a Reading side, of which 9 players started the last game of the Premier League. What’s just as remarkable though is that 7 of that starting 11 actually played in the Royals’ final Championship game three years; it’s testament to the team’s spirit and Steve Coppell’s steady hand. Anyway, 90 minutes and no goals, but Forest should thank keeper Paul Smith for producing a wondersave from a Kevin Doyle header late on.

So, what are the chances of all three relegated teams coming straight back up next season? Hmmm, it’s a poser certainly. Birmingham surely have enough to walk this league, but as for the other two promotion spots? My money’s on QPR and Crystal Palace. Or Charlton. Or Norwich. Or…you get the picture.

Super Championship Sunday

Ask anyone who has actually watched any of the Championship this year and they will tell you that it has been far and away the most exciting in recent memory, maybe even ever, with literally any team capable of beating any other on the day, and the top spot changing hands almost weekly. The nay-sayers will give you the standard line about West Brazil Albion being the only team out of the 24 who can actually pass a ball, everyone else just hoofing to a big man up top, but throughout the year we have seen some fantastic stuff from virtually every team in the division, and enough passion to put the Premier League to shame. With just the one game left to play this Sunday then, we thought it would be fitting to give everyone a summation of the state of play as things stand, with promotion, play-offs and relegation all coming down to this vital 46^th. All games take place at 14:00 Sunday, with Stoke and Hull being shown live on Sky TV, so we urge you to tune in, because basically anything could happen.

1	West Bromwich Albion	45	22	12	11	86	55	31	78	Promotion to Premier League 2008-09
2	Stoke City	45	21	15	9	69	55	14	78
3	Hull City	45	21	12	12	65	46	19	75	League Championship playoffs 2007-08
4	Bristol City	45	19	14	12	51	53	-2	71
5	Watford	45	18	15	12	61	55	6	69
6	Crystal Palace	45	17	17	11	53	42	11	68
7	Wolverhampton Wanderers	45	17	16	12	52	48	4	67
8	Ipswich Town	45	17	15	13	64	56	8	66
9	Sheffield United	45	17	15	13	54	48	6	66
10	Plymouth Argyle	45	17	13	15	60	49	11	64
11	Burnley	45	16	14	15	60	62	-2	62
12	Charlton Athletic	45	16	13	16	59	57	2	61
13	Cardiff City	45	15	16	14	56	55	1	61
14	Queens Park Rangers	45	14	16	15	60	64	-4	58
15	Preston North End	45	15	11	19	50	53	-3	56
16	Norwich City	45	15	10	20	48	55	-7	55
17	Barnsley	45	14	13	18	52	62	-10	55
18	Blackpool	45	12	17	16	58	63	-5	53
19	Coventry City	45	14	11	20	51	60	-9	53
20	Sheffield Wednesday	45	13	13	19	50	54	-4	52
21	Leicester City	45	12	15	18	42	45	-3	51
22	Southampton	45	12	15	18	53	70	-17	51	Relegation to League One 2008-09
R	Scunthorpe United	45	11	12	22	43	66	-23	45
R	Colchester United	45	7	16	22	59	83	-24	37

At the top of the pile then, West Brom and Stoke City are currently tied on points with 78, but the Baggies’ superior goal difference gives them the edge at the moment. They are basically guaranteed promotion after their point on Monday night against Southampton; it would take a miracle for Hull to superceed them from third given the goal difference, as I seriously doubt the Tigers have a 13 – 0 win in their locker. Stoke then need just a point at home to Leicester to keep their fate in their own hands, but they might not even need that should Hull fail to get 3 points against play-off outsiders Ipswich. Looking at those teams currently occupying the third to sixth places, what we see is probably a fair reflection of the year as a whole, with early pace-setters Watford and Bristol City holding down spots alongside current form teams Hull and Crystal Palace. Wolves are just outside the qualification zone, despite playing some nice stuff and scoring plenty of goals, with defensive leaks costing them a higher finish this year. Along with Ipswich, Sheffield United are still mathematically able to finish in the top 6, but after a poor season which has seen them rely almost solely on James Beattie for goals, they would be perhaps punching above their weight.

Down near the drop-zone, Norwich and Barnsley have managed to turn things around in recent weeks to ensure their safety. Overall, relegation for either of these teams would certainly have been unfair given the talent they each have and their desire to play attacking football, but awful starts to the campaign made it look like a reality at Christmas. So with Colchester and Scunthorpe already resigned to their fate, we are left with five teams on the bubble, with just two points separating Southampton, Leicester, Sheffield Wednesday, Coventry and Blackpool. On the final day, all five teams face tough challenges however: Southampton face Sheffield United at home, Leicester are away at Stoke, Sheffield Wednesday host Norwich, Coventry are at Charlton, and Blackpool have Watford visiting. Wednesday and Coventry perhaps have the edge, since they face teams with nothing to play for, but the other three all face stern tests against sides vying for promotion in one way or another. It’s too close to call, but STT’s money is on the Southampton, currently occupying that dreaded 22^nd spot, to be relishing League One football next year.

Finally we turn our attention to the Championship PFA awards, that also took place this past weekend when Ronaldo was crowned big cheese for the second successive year, but no-one heard about it. Understandably, title rivals Stoke and West Brom dominated the side, with three players from each club earning selection. Impressive Potters trio Ryan Shawcross, Liam Lawrence and Ricardo Fuller were all rewarded for their fine form, and a goal-scoring record of 38 in total between them, by making the PFA's best XI. Albion meanwhile were represented by Paul Robinson, Jonathan Greening and Kevin Phillips, with unsung heroes Carl Hoefkens and Robert Koren also surely in contention. Bristol City duo Bradley Orr and Marvin Elliott figured as well, alongside Wolves goalkeeper Wayne Hennessey, Barnsley captain and FA Cup hero Brian Howard, and finally hulking Watford centre-back Danny Shittu.

PFA Championship Team of the Year:

Wayne Hennessey (Wolves)

Bradley Orr (Bristol City)

Ryan Shawcross (Stoke)

Danny Shittu (Watford)

Paul Robinson (West Brom)

Brian Howard (Barnsley)

Marvin Elliott (Bristol City)

Liam Lawrence (Stoke)

Jonathan Greening (West Brom)

Ricardo Fuller (Stoke)

Kevin Phillips (West Brom)

Going Down? Give Us Your Players then!

As the season draws to a close, several promotions and relegations throughout the four leagues have already been decided, so it’s time to start looking ahead to next season’s Premier League in some ways. How will the dynamic change without Derby, Fulham, and say Birmingham, and potentially with West Brom, Stoke City and Hull? What’s always funny at this time of year is the way that players who previously pledged their full commitment to a club suddenly bolt faster than women and children off the Titanic as soon as the drop is confirmed. Prestigious and big-name signings drafted in for that final push for safety, all of a sudden start looking elsewhere, and let’s face it, where better for decent wages and the old big-fish-in-a-small-pond syndrome than the newly promoted sides? Here then is our guide for who to look out for (as well as their estimated price-tag) as the promoted Championship three suddenly find themselves covered in money, and faced with the daunting prospect of scoring past Petr Cech, and keeping Cristiano Ronaldo from scoring double figures.

Now there will always be players who bridge the gap between the two top leagues; guys like Robert Earnshaw and Kevin Phillips for example, who have been basically too good for the Championship, but just nowhere near good enough to really cut it in the Premier League, all their careers. As they look set to each swap places once again, with Derby certainly down and the Baggies all but certainly back up, we’ve decided to pick five players each from the other five teams, from which two will definitely be facing the exciting prospect of Swansea away next season. Not only will the three newly-promoted teams be vying to get their hands on some of these, but also established Premier League sides have courted the likes of Kevin Nolan for years, so should these teams suffer relegation, you can guarantee some of the big-boys will be casting their eyes on this shopping list too…

Derby:

Roy Carroll – solid keeper but given so little help this year at Pride Park that a move is surely on the cards (£2m)

Tyrone Mears – athletic young defender who has a big physical presence, and alongside a more experienced head, could well form a decent central partnership for someone (£1.5m)

Giles Barnes – exciting prospect who shone last year, attracting the attention of plenty of Premier League clubs. A season plagued with injury has done nothing but lower his stock, however the potential is definitely still there at only 19 years old (£3.5m)

Robbie Savage – now an experienced pro, Savage would be a valuable addition to most sides’ midfield, despite struggling for form at Derby. A big price-tag might put off the Premier League new boys though (£3m)

Kenny Miller – Proof that Scottish league success doesn’t translate into the Premier League, Miller has failed to really make an impact this year, but in a confident team he will almost certainly still get goals (£2.5m)

Fulham:

Brian McBride – the talismanic star at Craven Cottage, McBride is physical and passionate, always giving you 100% effort. His future has to be in doubt, but the chance of a big-money move back home Stateside might be more likely should Fulham go down (£5m)

Clint Dempsey – stepping into the breach in McBride’s absence this year, the man also known as Deuce is a grafter in every sense of the world, and a potentially great addition to any squad (£4m)

Eddie Johnson – the final part of the attacking American trio at Fulham, Johnson is young and raw but a confident runner and ball-carrier (£2m)

Jimmy Bullard – a class act on the pitch and top draw joker off it, Bullard would be a great coup for any promoted side with the likes of Pompey and Villa also keen. Injury problems however in the past might prevent any of the big boys risking his signature (£5m)

David Healy – lethal at International level but unable to hit water from a boat in the Premier League, under the right management Healy could still forge a career in the top flight (£2.5m)

Birmingham:

Sebastien Larson – former Arsenal trainee that was fantastic last season and in patches this season, but is perhaps a little lightweight for the highest level. An excellent young flare player though on his day (£3m)

James McFadden – David Moyes has already said he regrets selling the Scottish starlet, so don’t be surprised if a top-6 team picks up McFadden in the closed season should the Blues drop (£8m)

Mikael Forsell – Used sparingly this season but has still continued to deliver at St Andrews when called upon after years bench-warming at Stamford Bridge. Guaranteed goals if he stays fit and happy (£2.5m)

Radhi Jaidi – a hulking physical specimen who has impressed at the centre of Birmingham’s defence this year. Would be an experienced and commanding addition to any promoted side’s back-line (£3m)

Cameron Jerome – perhaps not as successful in the top flight as his early season form might’ve suggested, but Jerome is still an exciting prospect who’s capable of the match-winning spectacular (£3m)

Bolton:

Kevin Nolan – inspirational captain, often courted by Liverpool in the past, who will almost certainly move to a top-6 club if Bolton go down (£6m)

Gary Cahill – cracking young defender who has improved dramatically throughout the season; big, strong and reads the game like an old head (£4m)

Ivan Campo / Stelios Giannakopoulos – both bit-part players this season, but each have the experience to add both creativity and also some calm to a newly promoted midfield lacking top-flight history (free)

El-Hadji Diouff / Kevin Davies – Diouff is wanted by several other Premier League sides so I guess he’s worthy of mention, but for me Davies is the pick of the whole team for a newly promoted side looking to add graft, experience and gamesmanship to an attacking line (£5m/£2.5m)

Matty Taylor – a strange decision to move from Pompey all along, Taylor will definitely be looking to stay in the top flight if Bolton get relegated as he’s still young (£3.5m)

Reading:

Ivar Ingimarsson – a rock in the centre of defence that has protected keeper Marcus Hahemann almost single-handedly at times this year (£3m)

Stephen Hunt – the tricky Irishman has had an impressive couple of years, and while he’s struggled to have the impact of last season, would still be a decent buy for almost anyone in the top flight (£5.5m)

Dave Kitson – the gentle ginger giant has been consistently good this season, but with Reading as a whole failing to score many goals, Kitson’s tally perhaps doesn’t reflect his work ethic and ability (£4.5m)

Kevin Doyle – after last season’s incredible haul Doyle was always going to be hard-pushed to match it this season. Injuries clearly haven’t helped matters, but given a good run in a side again next year you can guarantee the goals will come back (£5m)

James Harper – has made impressive progress this year in a somewhat flat Reading midfield who severely missed Sidwell pulling the strings. Also loves to get forward, and has chipped in with some vital goals for the Royals (£3m)

Wigan:

Chris Kirkland – a keeper for the future a couple of years ago, but a serious knee injury halted his career from reaching the highest levels and maybe even International caps. Still a superb shot-stopper though (£4m)

Emile Heskey – knows the league and will always do a job (£2m)

Wilson Palacios – highly-rated South American who has the pace and the trickery to play for almost anyone in the league (£5m)

Antonio Valancia – alongside Palacios, the strongest stock Wigan have to trade off should they go down; Liverpool and Manchester United are supposedly interested in the young pair (£5m)

Paul Scharner – the team’s unsung hero for the last two years, Scharner is as versatile as he is underrated (£2.5m)

The Fans Speak with their Feet

Remember Loaded magazine? Back in the day it was a prime cover for just looking at norks while also offering mild amusement in the form of pornalikes. Well apparently it’s still running, and the good folks there have conducted a football fans survey this season, with the somewhat shocking results being previewed in today’s press. Over the past few years there has definitely been an unspoken level of disillusionment rising in this country, fuelled by so many factors ranging from over-priced tickets to the embarrassment that is the national team to the greedy WAG culture, but today in this published poll it appears that things are worse than anyone thought. To be blunt, we are all fed up of the extortionate prices we’re forced to pay to watch our club at any professional level (not just in the Premier League), and sick of the ridiculous wages earned by mediocre players going through the motions.

The survey found that nearly eight in 10 of the thousands polled throughout the country said players’ multi-million pound wages were “offensive,” and were generally appalled that their hard-earned cash just ended up “being wasted on WAGs”. Put simply, an staggering two-thirds believe following football is a complete waste of money, which truly is a sad state of affairs, but one that’s hard to argue with.

A top-heavy Premier League appeared to be many people’s biggest complaint, with an almost uniform opinion that the so-called big 4 have become too money-obsessed and have forgotten the fans. One would imagine that plans unveiled earlier this year to play an extra Premier League game per season abroad fuelled this fire no end. A terrifying 67% further said they would love to see the big 4 clubs quit English football altogether because they are just bored of seeing the same teams win the league. Even down at the bottom of the Premier League it appears that neutrals are similarly fed up with the same 6 or so teams circulating between top flight relegation and Championship superiority, however this season’s unpredictable Real League has surely appeased many of these complaints with the potential for 3 promoted teams to be playing in their first ever Premier League next season.

Talking to the Daily Star today the deputy chairman of the Football Supporters Federation Jon Keen also warned that fans across Britain are deserting big leagues to support teams in the lower divisions because it is cheaper. “Fans want to go back to the roots of football,” he said. “That’s why we’re seeing such success with smaller teams such as AFC Wimbledon. They still care about the fans.” Furthermore, the poll also found that the majority of fans still attending games regularly would like standing terraces back to improve the atmosphere at grounds. 40% of people feel that many stadiums (not just the Emirates apparently) are like libraries because of corporate seating, and 42% said they would prefer their team to be relegated rather than continue to deal with the corporate face of the game. While these people clearly don’t appreciate what life in the Real League is actually like, the sentiment is clear.

So will the clubs or the FA pay any notice to us, the fans? These statistics are worse than I think even the most cynical among us at STT headquarters would’ve predicted, so are we really reaching a state of emergency within the English game? Certainly if these escalating trends continue, we could be genuinely looking at a real drop-off in attendances and interest in the next decade or so, with a fresh generation of fans simply unable to get involved in supporting a club at a young age due to prohibitive cost and corporate monopoly. To add further fear to the approaching abyss, this statistic is the most disturbing of all: two-thirds of the fans surveyed said they were considering switching from football to watch (the often cheaper) rugby instead. I know things are bad at the moment guys, but egg-chasing??? Nooooooooooo!

Gameweek 31 – ‘White Easter’

Happy Tuesday then readers, and I hope with the passing of Lent finally many forbidden fruits were indulged in over the long weekend. We’ll get to Sunday’s big-4 face-off in a sec but before that, Saturday’s action, and a first league win for Kevin Keegan after an underwhelming start back at Newcastle to say the least. With Viduka, Owen and Martins all firing, they genuinely looked pretty good against an admittedly poor Fulham side who now look condemned to the bottomless pit that is the Real League next season. As the race for those crucial European spots heats up, Aston Villa, Manchester City, Portsmouth and Everton seem to be losing their way somewhat, and at the moment, Blackburn look likeliest to book their EUFA Cup spot alongside Carling Cup winners Tottenham. Down at the less-good end of the table, Sunderland, Reading and Middlesbrough seem like they have enough to stay up, and despite a narrow loss this weekend so too do Birmingham, meaning that for our money, three from Derby, Fulham, Bolton and Wigan are certain to be back outside the top flight next year.

Super Sunday then, or Grand Slam Sunday, or whatever else hyperbolic the Sky marketing fellows are calling it these days. Game one offered Manchester United the chance to extend their lead at the top to six points ahead of Arsenal going into the second game of the day, and Alex Ferguson’s men duly obliged, blowing Liverpool off the park 3 – 0. The game was perhaps ruined as a spectacle in the first half however, with the crazy sending-off of Liverpool’s Javier Mascherano, who’s questioning of the referee Steve Bennett’s decision to book Fernando Torres earned him a second yellow card for dissent. There’s little more to be said about this incident, but if you compare his smiling un-confrontational approach to Ashley Cole’s petulant and disrespectful behaviour midweek, then clearly something’s not right. Anyway, United didn’t hang around feeling sorry for Liverpool, but instead pressed on in a decent second half display that completely snuffed the Scousers out, with Torres and Gerrard particularly unable to get their foot on the ball in a frustrating afternoon. A poached header from Ronaldo and a late cracker from Nani added polish to Wes Brown’s first-half opener, but with Reina making several top class saves throughout the game, the clear margin wasn’t any more than United deserved.

The pressure was well and truly on Arsenal then, who have been indifferent of late, and were facing Chelsea on a ground where they hadn’t been beaten for more than 75 league games. After a cagey first half hour both teams then seemed to realize that they had to bring about the win themselves to stay with Man United, so the game significantly opened up. As with the earlier match at Old Trafford, it was the central midfield that both sides battled to control, and with Fabregas and Flamini unusually toothless, Chelsea dominated much of the play after the opening twenty minutes or so. Arsenal took a shock lead just before the hour through a Bacary Sagna header though, and it looked like the Chelsea crowd was getting on their team and management’s back. Having done little of note all game though, who else but Didier Drogba stepped up for the Blues and blasted a ten minute brace past Almunia to put Chelsea well back in the title race, albeit five points behind the league leaders with seven games to go.

Premier League Team of the Week (based on OPTA stats, Fantasypremierleague.com ratings and my own expert eye):

Keeper – Craig Gordon (a rock)

Defence – Jonathon Woodgate (world-class), Andre Bikey (big brace), Gretar Steinsson (impressive again)

Midfield – Tom Huddlestone (powerful), Andy Reid (full of guile…and crisps), David Bentley (near perfect), Stephen Hunt (tenacious)

Up Top – Obafemi Martins (integral), Roque Santa Cruz (charming), Yakubu Ayegbeni (powerful)

Special GRAND SLAM SUNDAY Team of the Week (based on OPTA stats, Fantasypremierleague.com ratings and my own expert eye):

Keeper – Edwin van der Sar (day-off really but did what was required)

Defence – Bacary Sagna (marauding), Ricardo Carvalho (nails), Rio Ferdinand (controlling), Patrice Evra (expansive)

Midfield – Anderson (precise), Michael Ballack (dynamic), Paul Scholes (visionary), Claude Makalele (water carrying)

Up Top – Didier Drogba (deadly), Wayne Rooney (handful)

Weekly Awards:

Goal of the Week – Rising star, and official ‘little scamp’ Nani adds some late polish to Manchester United’s victory with a rocket of a strike past Pepe Reina.

Nutmeg of the Week – Dimitar Berbatov tries to add another zero to his price-tag with a class backheel through Johnson’s legs to find Chimbonda.

Save of the Week – Tim Howard used his legs heroically to somehow keep out a viciously deflected Dean Ashton freekick.

Supersub of the Week - Darren Bent came on with 20 minutes to go against Pompey, scoring one goal and creating the other for O'Hara. That's 5 goals so far for the overlooked hitman, at a thrifty £3.1 million per goal.

Skill of the Week – Niko Krancjar delightfully dances out of pressure from Zokora, Huddlestone and Lennon with some fancy footwork.

Miss of the Week – Michael Owen proves he’s not perfect, despite with Keegan might think, by nodding a free header from 3 yards out straight into Kasey Keller’s grateful arms.

Attempt of the Week – Sean Davis’s audacious 25 yard chip on Paul Robinson, who only just managed to scramble it over.

ASBO of the Week – Andy Todd busts some kind of modified judo throw on Jeremie Aliadiere to hurl him to the ground.

Controversy of the Week – Well, quite obviously the Mascherano red card. We’ll be looking at this current hot-topic in more depth later in the week so stay tuned.

Broken Jinx of the Week – Kevin Keegan celebrates Newcastle’s first league win in 14 matches, and his first in ten games since returning to lead the club. Must’ve been some powerful gypsy magic going on somewhere this Saturday.

Lie of the Week – Andy Gray really can be so naïve some times: “I’m sure he (Aaron Lennon) is staying late after training to work on his crossing.” I think he more than likely doesn’t care that much unfortunately Andy.

Unexpected Acrobatics of the Week – How can a man the size of Bikey do a backflip? It defies physics, he’s more than twice the size of Nani! Kudos though.

Sniper-on-the-roof Moment of the Week – Freddie Sears looked bright again coming on for the Hammers but his face-holding collapse and subsequent penalty claim was seriously shameless.

Quote of the Week – “He makes intelligent runs, he works hard, he’s good looking as well.” David Bentley gives everyone maybe a touch too much insight into his ‘professional’ relationship with Roque Santa Cruz.

Hero of the Week – The man they call Diddles / Dogshit / Drogbacite for almost single-handedly winning Chelsea the match late on against Arsenal. He might’ve been off the boil recently, but two clinical finishes show why he’s playing at the highest level.

Zero of the Week – Steve Bennett for needlessly brandishing a second yellow card to Mascherano for simply talking to him. This kind of inconsistent and plain reactionary refereeing is what frustrates people more than obviously wrong decisions, even firing up the normally diplomatic Andy Gray to criticize him in the half-time interval.

Personal Highlight of the Week – Kind of unrelated to football, but snow! Just about enough to get some dangerous purchase with the old plastic-bag-over-a-broken-chair sledge. In case you didn’t guess, this review is being written from A&E.

Escape from the Real League

With another weekend of FA Cup action upon us, STT is taking another well deserved break from the weekly grind of Premier League fixtures. This seems like as good an opportunity as any therefore to take a look at the Championship race for promotion as it enters it’s final quarter of the season. With no single team running away with it this year, 2007-08 has been one of the most exciting in recent memory, with the two teams occupying the automatic promotion places having changed no fewer than 16 times already since day one back in August. While it’d be naïve to rule out anyone’s chances even at this advanced stage, Watford, Bristol City, Stoke and West Brom do seem to have pulled away a touch from the rest of the pack, leaving a four-horse race for that vital top 2 finish. Current leaders Watford however are only four points ahead of fourth placed West Brom, so with 14 games still left to play, anything can happen.

STT for one would like to wish those teams without any experience in the top flight since the shift in 1992 to the “Premier League,” all the best! These days it seems like the Championship is just littered with those who’ve already had their shot, and a cursory glance at the table reveals that more than half of the 24 sides populating the league this year have in fact graced the Prem in the last 15 seasons. It’s time someone else had a chance, so big up also to the likes of Burnley, Plymouth and Hull, let’s see some fresh faces next year eh…

Watford (1^st, 58 points)

Last time in the Top Flight – 2007

Form (last 5 games) – LDWWW

Entertainment factor – 7

Relegation Prospects If Promoted – Pretty likely

Mascot(s) – Harry the Hornet and Harriet the Hornet

Despite selling star striker Marlon King during the January transfer window, Watford are still riding high at the top of the tree. They started the season very brightly and their intent to bounce straight back up into the Premier League was clear. Poor results during November and December saw their lead significantly reduced however, and the chasing pack led by West Brom eventually caught them up, with the Baggies eventually knocking them off the top spot in early January. The goals don’t seem to be flowing as freely as before, but a solid defence and decent away record could see them over the finishing line. As with previous forays into the top flight though, you just wonder about the amount of additional talent they will have to attract if they want to survive past next season.

Star players: Danny Shittu, Jay DeMerit, Nathan Ellington, Darius Henderson

Bristol City (2^nd, 57 points)

Last time in the Top Flight – 1980

Form (last 5 games) – LWLWW

Entertainment factor – 6

Relegation Prospects If Promoted – Certain

Mascot – Scrumpy the Robin

An amazing effort from last season’s League One runners-up, I don’t think anyone expected them to be able to sustain their fine early form throughout the year. Now over the traditional Christmas road-bump, Bristol City are still hanging in there, but you have to wonder still if the squad is strong enough and experienced enough to last another couple of bruising months. The Robins have perhaps the hardest run-in of any of the promotion contenders, and with goals often hard to come by, it is going to take a truly Herculain effort to maintain this position in May when all the dust has settled. With their last appearance in what was then Division One almost 30 years ago though, surely they have to be the neutrals favourite.

Star players: Scott Murray, Michael McIndoe, Darren Byfield, Marvin Elliot

Stoke City (3^rd, 56 points)

Last time in the Top Flight – 1984

Form (last 5 games) – WLWWW

Entertainment factor – 8

Relegation Prospects If Promoted – Almost certain

Mascot – Pottermus and Ms. Pottermus

Without doubt the in-form side in the division, scoring goals for fun through a variety of players and with an excellent defensive record that both the young centre-backs and ex-England Under-21s keeper must take a lot of pride in. Often criticized for being too ‘big’ and lumberingly one-dimensional, the Potters have this year answered a lot of nay-sayers by adding attacking flow and intricate passing on top of their heavy set-piece advantages. In Fuller they have a true match-winner, and backed with ex-Premier League talent such as Lawrence, Richard Creswell and Salif Diao, there have the makings of a team very much on the up. While pointed at for representing the ‘dark’ side of the Championship, Stoke’s size and competitiveness might just be enough to keep them afloat next year should they achieve promotion. Due to once again the long absence from the top flight, as well as their admirable FA Cup effort against Newcastle recently, Stoke are another outfit that many neutrals are currently rooting for.

Star players: Ricardo Fuller, Liam Lawrence, Steve Simonson, Ryan Shawcross

West Bromich Albion (4^th, 55 points)

Last time in the Top Flight – 2006

Form (last 5 games) – WLWLD

Entertainment factor – 9

Relegation Prospects If Promoted – About 50/50

Mascot – Baggie Bird

The defining yo-yo team; almost always good enough to get promoted from the Championship but rarely good enough to produce anything but last-day survival in the Premier League at best. Essentially this exact same squad of players has been up and down more times than Tigger on crystal meth, and to be honest I think many are tiring of the same old routine. On paper they almost certainly have the strongest squad, built as previously mentioned on proven top flight talent, however after so many bites at the cherry that allusive key to advancing in the Prem is still out of their grasp. Parachute payments may have gone some way to keeping the likes of Gera and Kevin Phillips year after year, but by now perhaps the team lacks the potential for first-season-in-the-big-time freshness shown to great effect by the likes of Reading and Ipswich in recent memory. The common perception is that ‘West Brazil Albion’ are the only real footballing side in the league, while the rest just hoof the ball to a big guy up front, but that supposed guile obviously isn’t enough to survive with the big boys. Failure to get promoted this year would be somewhat disastrous, but going back to the drawing board might be the best option for the Baggies in the long-term.

Star players: Zoltan Gera, Carl Hoefkens, Robert Koren, Roman Bednar

Iain Dowie - The Most Sacked Man of the Millenium?

Coventry City sacked Iain Dowie today, after a poor run of results, which has left Coventry in 19th place in the Championship. Rumours that he has left to pursue a modelling career are totally fabricated. This shitcanning comes as the latest in a real string of P45s for the ex-Northern Ireland striker and must make Dowie the most sacked man in the recnet history of anything, let alone football management.

Dowie started his management career as the caretaker boss at Queen's Park Rangers in 1998, until he was replaced by the returning Gerry Francis. This taste of successful management, albeit for only 2 games, led to Dowie taking the vacant position at Oldham, as he had waited calmly in the wings until Mick Wadsworth decided it was time to bugger off. Dowie did fairly well for his first season, leading the mighty Owls into the second division playoffs, before financial difficulties forced him out the next season. Although he didn't actually get sacked from Oldham, Dowie wasn't actually getting paid for the last few months of his tenure, which is as big a hint as any, I suppose.

The Nagasaki suntanned Simon Jordan persuaded Dowie to come to Crystal Palace in 2003 and all was peachy for a couple of seasons, with Dowie turning the club around and leading Place to the Premiership in 2005, helped by Andy Johnson's goalscoring exploits. Dowie even happily dropped back down to the Real League, as Palace were relegated after just one season in the top flight, having impressed with some good performances. Dowie left Crystal Palace at the end of the 2005/06 season, by 'mutual consent'. However, having time left on his contract, it was understood that he would not take another job. Which he did, a whole 8 days later, with top flight Charlton Athletic. Jordan was so infuriated, that he apparently shot his pet labrador in the face and called Dowie to tell him he wasn't going to accept his resignation, but he was sacked.

The case of Charlton Athletic's season last year was a sad and pathetic one, resembling a beached whale of incompetence and foolish appointments, with Dowie only being given 12 Premiership games before he was shown the door, before bringing in his nice-but-crap assistant Les Reed, who got an even shorter period of torture. Dowie then took some time off, before deciding on where he was going to get sacked from next. In the end, he joined Coventry in February last year and has enjoyed mixed league form, tempered by some great Cup results this year, until he was inevitably told to piss off.

During the past few few years, Iain hasn't been alone in his constant striving for unemployment in the face of mediocre performance. His older, uglier (and presumably stupider) brother Bob joined him a Director at Crystal Palace and an assistant at Coventry. Jordan kept Bob hanging about after he sacked his younger brother, presumably just to have someone to point and laugh at, until he got bored of his face and fucked him off in between the sackings of Iain and Peter Taylor. It's pretty obvious why Dowie keeps his brute of a brother around at all times - to make himself feel like he's a good looking guy. Bob looks more like Lawrence Dallaglio, who's has an accident with a garlic press and a bottle of hydrolchloric acid.

STT reckons that Dowie will give it until August to get a job, linking himself with the vacant positions at Liverpool and Newcastle, until he takes the manager position at freshly relegated Scunthorpe for a season and a half. We give him 18 months in the job, until he gets sacked, when Bob become embroiled in a sex scandal involving a fisherman and a pensioner.

More Championship Showboating

As we all know by now, players in the Chamiponship aren't too shoddy. Here is the best of last season, capped by one of the most effective Maradona spins and finishes I have ever seen. The questions is - can Giles Barnes do this in the long trousers league?



Enjoy the weekend.

The Championship has mad skills

At STT, we're big proponents of the 5th biggest league in Europe - The Championship. Some people don't give a monkeys about The Real League^TM, claiming that it's a poor man's Premiership, despite dream matchups like Barnsley vs. Colchester on a wet Saturday in Essex. However, there is no such thing as a 'big' or a 'small' team in this league and, although teams can consistently finish in similar positions year after year, relegation and promotion are still potential outcomes for all teams entering the season, not just a select upper echelon. That makes it exciting! Plus, since nice nearly half this year's league teams have enjoyed Premiership football in the last decade or so, every point truly counts.

We now present to you a few moments of magic from the past month. It's a shame tricks don't convert into England caps, otherwise Frank Lampard might be out of a job:



Belated respect for the sadly departed Ray Jones, who shows us what he could do around the minute mark.