Mess Your Pants

I was starting to get a bit worried about Lionel Messi. He’s young, ridiculously talented and living in Barcelona, but doesn’t seem to have got the memo about the importance of having a piece of busty arm candy. Things appear to be on the up for him though as he is now reportedly dating fellow Argentine, Luciana Salazar, who was his country’s alleged mascot at the 2006 World Cup. Quite what this role exactly entailed is up for speculation, but if she wore the above jeweled-optical-illusion of a bikini then I’m sure no-one really thought to ask.
He’s not really a looker, but since when has that been important to potential WAGs? The feeling that comes from seeing the likes of Ribery and Tevez with any women other than burn victims is a depression that will never end. Cast aside homoerotic thought of Freddie Ljundberg and David Beckham though, because apparently, being ‘not really a looker’ is enough for Argentine model agencies, as The Spoiler have helpfully provided us with some snaps from Messi’s forthcoming underwear posters for Lody pants. Presumably Lody are targeting the blind.

Six years his senior, Little Lio will undoubtedly learn a few things from Ms Salazar, not least the meaning of the phrase “you don’t have to look at the mantle-piece while you’re stoking the fire.” No, that’s harsh actually, do a slightly more expansive internet search and you’ll definitely find evidence that she’s actually quite hot. Unfortunately most of those pictures are now blocked by the office SafeSearch.