Cristiano the Ladykiller

One of STT’s main online influences when we started up was the awesome What Would Tyler Durden Do? so it fills me with great pride to say that we are now finally stealing an article from them. And what else but Cristiano Ronaldo’s seed-spreading tour of LA would they be commenting on? Kudos to Cristiano actually for registering on their radar, that’s another notch on the metaphorical bed-post, eh C. Ron?

Anyway, a little while ago you might remember a charming little piece we did about Norwich bench-warmer Jason Shackell, who really fancies himself as an actor-slash-model-slash-tosser. Well he shot to, er, ‘fame’ by guest-appearing in underwhelming MTV fake-drama The Hills and trying to throw a shot into a very tidy piece of spoilt Californian ass known as Lauren Conrad. While he apparently offered to eviscerate his own mother for a chance to pearl necklace her, it seems that Mr Ronaldo has slightly more discerning tastes.

You see, while rubbing shoulders with the likes of the main guy from Entourage at trendy hot-spot Kress, the ridiculously-bright-orange Ronaldo refused to pose for a photo with the devastated Conrad. A fellow party-goer gushed to the Daily Facist: “Cristiano was in with his friends, enjoying the music and chilling out in the corner of the club. Lauren approached him and asked for a picture of them to be taken. But he just blew her off and refused.” Cristiano apparently then turned to his friend and said in his breathlessly sexy Portuguese accent: “Who is this woman?” The nameless source continued: “Lauren was mortified. She told her friends she couldn't believe he'd talk to her like that. Worse still, she couldn't believe he didn't know who she is. She walked away in a really bad mood.”

Bitch got served! Seriously though, Lauren is pretty hot, but clearly lacks that eye-twinkle of seedy experience that signals to Cristiano that he can just tie himself up and wait for the g-force.