Happy Bidet

And the strange groin-area-related stories continue apparently, and yet again I don’t really understand how a grown-up could have actually said this. Meet Napoli president and movie producer Aurelio De Laurentiis, who looks kind of like Alan Sugar but a bit more rape-y. In case you care he’s responsible (and by that I mean, he paid for) such luminary silver screen works as Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, while his more-famous uncle Dino De Laurentiis bank-rolled the Hannibal Lector movies among others.

Anyway, the point here is that there are many rumours flying around Italy at the moment that half the Napoli squad are looking to flee his iron-fisted rule for our fine shores. De Laurentiis had this bizarrely incongruous retort:

“We made these players — two years ago nobody knew who they were. If they want to go to England then in the end they’re going to go, but they need to understand this: the English live badly, eat badly and their women do not wash their genitalia. To them, a bidet is a mystery.”

Er, what? We don’t actually still live in the Dark Ages Mr De Laurentiis, we have running water and Pret-a-Mangers and everything. I can also assure you that, to every girl I’ve hooked up with this week at least, the bidet is certainly not a mystery.