Picture the scene: you’re a young aspiring footballer with a League One outfit and have just enjoyed a great little training session. You bagged a couple of goals against the first-team, and the gaffer’s saying you might get your first start at the weekend. And what better way to celebrate, not to mention bond with the lads, than sexually assaulting a team-mate in the showers? Sorry for the hood-wink opening but I think that sometimes we all treat rape with a bit too much levity and mirth.
In all seriousness then, an unnamed League One club is currently reeling from allegations that four youth team players inflicted a “sex attack” on a team-mate, after “horseplay got out of hand.” Since when did ‘horseplay’ go from putting tabasco in someone’s pint to anal intrusion?! The 17-year-old victim went to hospital last week, and medical staff apparently tipped off police: “The lad was in a lot of distress and was hobbling as he came into casualty. He told nurses he had been attacked by a group of team-mates in the showers. It sounded absolutely horrific. It wasn’t long before police came down and he was asked to go through what had happened again. He was in a right state. He was constantly in tears and was in a great deal of distress and embarrassment. I really felt for him.”
The four players were subsequently arrested, one was freed without charges, and the other three were released on police bail until next month. The club said in a statement: “We are aware there has been an alleged incident. We will assist and communicate with the relevant authorities.”
The rumour currently doing the rounds within the press is that, in preparation for an elaborate Christmas pantomime take on Midnight Express, several players got a bit too ‘method’ in their rehearsal, and well, one thing lead to another. If you think this incident is bad, you should’ve seen what happened when the unnamed club tried to re-enact that scene where Billy’s girlfriend turns up, presses her cans up against the glass screen, and he has a cry-wank.