Gameweek 6 – Back Once Again for the Renegade Master

Yo yo yo yo yo! Blap blap blap blap blap! Etc etc. After a very very well deserved two week holiday, STT is finally back on your interwebz to bring you everything you need to know about football, and also some stuff you probably don’t really care about. So what’s been going down since we were last with you? Well, to be honest I don’t really know because I wasn’t in the country or anywhere near a TV, but it appears that Chelsea are currently top of the pile, and Spurs are rock-bottom, still awaiting their first win in a opening six games of Derby-esque incompetence. Terry Venebles blames Dimitar Berbatov, but we point the finger elsewhere to the clever moneymen upstairs for selling all their strikers except Darren Bent and buying one who apparently can’t play alongside the ex-Charlton flop.

Starting at the top then, Chelsea are looking a bit tasty these days, and eased past Stoke City this past weekend with a slick performance in the face of a determined and awkward Potters side. Although newcomers Stoke currently sit in the relegation zone, one point and two stalwart performances from back-to-back fixtures away at Liverpool and then entertaining Chelsea, should prove encouraging enough for Tony Pulis’ men.

Anyway, the expressions on some of friends’ faces told me a catastrophe had occurred at the Emirates Stadium this past week, and as such it gives me great pleasure to confirm that newly-promoted Hull did indeed topple The Best Footballing Team in the World Ever.™ Don’t be under any illusions about the manner of the performance though, Hull really deserved the points, and with two losses already this season out of six, Arsene Wenger might be getting a little concerned that his youngsters’ egos are getting in the way of professionalism once again. Hull meanwhile are in dreamland after a fantastic start to the season, and they deserve all the plaudits they are currently receiving. It would make STT even happier however if office favourite dean Windass got a few more starts though!

In the Merseyside derby, Liverpool came out on top once again, thanks to two swift lethal finishes from that man Torres. Everton have had a couple of rough results of late, with a narrow win over Stoke a few weeks ago their last points, but you have to feel that the ship will be righted sooner rather than later by David Moyes, especially with Tim Cahill back to fitness.

Manchester United seem to be over their traditional slow start as fast as ever, revitalised by a certain leather-tanned Portuguese lothario who’s back on the field faster than expected after his summer ankle operation. He’s already got a couple of goals under his belt, and Rooney has finally netted this season, so expect their next few games to be a little experimental as Ferguson works out the logistics of fitting Rooney, Ronaldo, Tevez and Berbatov into the same team.

Currently sitting in Manchester United’s spot in the top-4 though are Aston Villa, who have three wins in a row and seem to have settled down back into the free-flowing attacking form that brought them so much success last season. STT predicted a top-4 finish this year, and the way things are going, we are hoping to engage smug mode around April.

The other contenders to break the top-4 dominance are the bottomless pockets of Manchester City, whose Brazilian flare is bringing great football, but unfortunately for them, not always the ideal results as yet. They lost to an excellent Wigan side this past weekend who will certainly surprise a few people this season if they don’t pay them enough respect. A solid, physical backbone is peppered with creative talent such as STT favourites Wilson Palacios and Antonio Valencia, while newcomer Amr Zaki upfront is already proving to be a revelation for Steve Bruce.

Despite off-pitch disasters, West Ham are doing surprisingly well on the field, with graft from the midfield water-carriers inspiring them to a UEFA cup qualifying spot at the moment. Payouts to Sheffield United and their players might well be forthcoming, but with STT hero Gianfranco Zola at the reigns alongside Chelsea legend Steve Clarke, here’s hoping the Hammers can keep it together this season and stay afloat.

The third newly-promoted outfit West Brom had suffered probably the worst start of the three, but are slowly gaining momentum, with an away win this weekend at Middlesbrough a fantastic performance from Tony Mowbrey’s men against his former employers. They’ve yet to reproduce the passing football that earned them a reputation in the Championship last year, but have plugged a few gaping holes at the back that cost them early on in the season.

We finish then with the two somewhat calamitous teams, Newcastle and Tottenham, who currently prop up the table. Newcastle lost yet again this past weekend at home to Blackburn, and with the bizarrely-chosen Joe Kinnear at the helm currently, who’s to say when morale will be resurrected. Well, obviously when Mike Ashley leaves, but it’s anyone’s guess as to when he’ll get the message and piss off.

Thing is though, at least there’s Spurs. Currently languishing on two points in the their worst start in 53 years, the North London side seem to be struggling in every department, despite a pretty decent team on paper that includes David Bentley and Roman Pavlyuchenko. As ever, the ex-Spurs man Jermain Defoe opened the scoring for Portsmouth this past Sunday, continuing his great start to the season, before giraffe impersonator Peter Crouch sealed the points with a close-range header.

Phew, that was exhausting. To be perfectly honest, most of this is based just on newspaper reports and conjecture, so the world famous STT Weekly Awards have had to take a backseat this week. Send us in your nominations for Goal of the Week and Player of the Week etc though to the usual place, and if we like what you have to say, they’ll go up on the site in the next couple of days. It’s good to be back but please could some of you start doing a bit more of the work for me? Thanks, that’d be great.