The Fall

Once of the most famous anecdotes in the Roman imperial annuals describes a certain Emperor Nero reciting poetry and strumming a harp on the roof of his palace, while all around him the city was burning to the ground. Now, I’m not suggesting that Newcastle owner Mike Ashley prefers the company of pre-pubescent boys, but this past weekend, as he partied absent-mindedly in New York while Kevin Keegan simultaneously quit as the Toon boss, the famous ancient story was certainly called to mind.

The billionaire Newcastle owner splashed out more £125,000 on a bar tab in trendy New York hotspot the Pink Elephant, spraying expensive bubbly in all directions during what the red tops have generously dubbed “an orgy of debauchery.” Now, I don’t know if any of them have ever been to an orgy, but trust me, a fat northern man is never welcome. Anyway, during this luxurious binge, he reportedly slurred to one reveler: “We’ve had a tiff with (Keegan) — but it will all be sorted out,” not knowing that across the pond Keegan had already quit in disgust at recent boardroom developments involving transfers.

Word on the street is that the party downed an incredible 175 bottles of Cristal Champagne, the club’s entire stock, as well as 16 bottles of Dom Perignon, 29 of PJ Fleur Rose, and three of Grey Goose Vodka. Eagle-eyed onlookers, who presumably didn’t actually talk to him, uniformly described Ashley as being “slaughtered,” and soaked from head-to-toe in champagne as he offered free drinks around to scantily-clad girls, even getting some to pour booze into his mouth. One of these mysterious tipsters continued: “(Ashley) left just after three, staggering out with his arms around two much younger, pretty girls.” Nothing to do with his bank balance then, the girls were with him just for his winning personality.

Meanwhile, a quick glance over at the Newcastle Rivals fan site tells me that things are not too settled under the surface over there. Craig Cowan, 28, from Blakelaw, said: “I’m gutted. Hopefully everyone will boycott the Hull game and get Ashley and Wise on their way.” And one chap, posting under the screen-name ‘jimbeam,’ concluded: “I’m ashamed to be a Newcastle fan, the club is a disgrace.” Got to admit, I do feel for them.