Gameweek 35 – ‘Touching Distance’

Happy Monday folks, and as May approaches things are all still pretty tight both at the top and bottom of the table. Manchester United left it very late at Ewood Park to save a point against a decent Blackburn side, while Arsenal and Chelsea stayed just about in touch with relatively easy wins over Reading and Everton respectively. Obviously next Saturday’s clash between the top two is huge now, but realistically Manchester United can afford to lose and still take the title based on superior goal difference.

The main stories though took place at the two local derbies yesterday. Newcastle secured the bragging rights for another 6 months or so after they eased past an uninspired Sunderland side in what was honestly an appalling match. Owen and Martins provided the only signs of life, but with two goals within half an hour, the game was over before it really got started. Elsewhere in Birmingham, Villa seem back to their early season best, flowing forward with pace and intent against a Blues side who looked scared in the headlights. Young, Agbonlahor and Carew have been an immense forward three all year, but the whole team can take credit for a dominating display that should boost their confidence going into next season where a top-4 finish will be the priority.

Down around the drop-zone, things took another twist as Bolton recorded back to back wins to move out of the third relegation spot. Fulham are perhaps rightly doomed, but one from Bolton, Birmingham and Reading look set to join them with three games to play…

Premier League Team of the Week (based on OPTA stats, Fantasypremierleague.com ratings and my own expert eye):

Keeper – Brad Friedel (superhuman)

Defence – Ricardo Carvalho (superb positioning and tackling), Habib Beye (enterprising), Gary Cahill (huge), Kolo Toure (impressive going forward)

Midfield – Gavin McCann (inspirational graft), Jermaine Pennant (tricky), Ashley Young (basically perfect performance)

Up Top – Michael Owen (outstanding in a far from exciting derby), John Carew (unplayable), Benjani (back to his early season best)

Weekly Awards:

Goal of the Week – Compromising a touch of journalistic integrity, sympathy encourages me to throw Derby a bone so congratulations to Tyrone Mears for his sweet strike to give Derby a glimmer of hope at Upton Park.

Nutmeg of the Week – Peter Crouch nails Kasey Keller in the Fulham goal with a precise strike through the gate.

Save of the Week – Well take your pick from Brad Friedel’s whole performance. His saves from a Tevez snapshot, that stopped on the line, and an O’Shea poke from a corner, were absolutely incredible.

Skill of the Week – No real heroics this week but Arsenal’s corner routines between Fabregas and van Persie were pretty special, and Michael Owen’s little chip over Higginbotham to win Newcastle’s penalty was deft.

Miss of the Week – It seems harsh to criticize him, but having beautifully controlled a spinning ball 5 yards out, how Benjani managed to blast over is a mystery.

Attempt of the Week – Arsenal Dutch star Robin van Persie crashed the crossbar with a pearler of a freekick.

ASBO of the Week – Wayne Rooney vents his frustration on man-mountain Christopher Samba by producing a jumping scissors tackle.

Sniper-on-the-roof Moment of the Week – Jason Koumas took a bizarre shot in the leg to drop completely unchallenged at the JJB on Saturday; he appeared to trip over a packet of crisps somehow. STT suggests this was a case of assault and vinegar, and then immediately apologises.

Gaffe of the Week – Poor David James had a flashback to his calamity days on his return to the City of Manchester Stadium, charging out of his area for some reason and then spectacularly failing to clear the ball.

Wrestling Move of the Week – Herman Hreidesson pulls out the classic clothesline to floor Darius Vassell.

Limp-wrists of the Week – Alexander Hleb was lucky to not get a red card for catching Murty in the face, but it was a truly pathetic slap. I’d back a teenage girl in a fight with him.

Class of the Week – It’s always nice to see players having the respect to not celebrate scoring against their formative clubs, so kudos to walking-cartoon Benjani: “I’ll always respect them, I had a nice time there, the fans were really good to me even if I wasn’t scoring.”

Controversy of the Week – A couple of strange handball decisions this weekend: one clear penalty not given against McCann, but one suspect one given against Danny Higginbotham.

Statistic of the Week – Manchester United have scored 73 league goals this year, of which 52 have been netted by Ronaldo, Rooney and Tevez.

Lifeline of the Week – Gavin McCann’s goal which might just be enough to keep Bolton in the top flight for another year. With Birmingham losing this weekend, it’s now theirs to throw away.

Whinge of the Week – Arsene Wenger just doesn’t let up does he? “It’s part of life to swallow…undeserved disappointments.”

Hero of the Week – Carlos Tevez for once again rescuing a point for the defending Champions. This was the 16^th time this season they have scored in the last ten minutes of a match.

Zero of the Week – Neil Warnock for suggesting that Rafa Benitez deliberately weakens his teams against Fulham every year. Get over it mate, Sheffield United were just rubbish last year.

Personal Highlight of the Week – Ian Wright standing up for himself and walking out of the BBC after being forced into the mould of court jester. We’ll miss you Wrighty, terrestrial football coverage really is getting too stuffy and less fan-orientated. Shame Lawrenson and Motson couldn’t have gone with him though.

Ineligible? The FA couldn't Give a Monkey's

Last season a scandal involving West Ham United and two supposedly ineligible players saw Sheffield United, most vocally but among others, fuming at the perceived injustice of it all. You can see their point too, as arguably without the world-class injections of Javier Mascherano and Carlos Tevez, the Hammers would almost certainly have faced the drop themselves instead of Neil Warnock’s battling Blades. In April last year, the necessary bodies within the FA concluded that, because the two Argentine stars were contracted only with their representative Kia Joorabchian and not the club themselves, rules had been breached. West Ham were fined a record £5.5million for the transgression, and also warned that Tevez would be ineligible to play unless they cancelled the third party agreement that existed in his original contract, but unfortunately for Sheffield United, they still suffered relegation. Those are the nuts and bolts of it then, but to be honest, everything’s still pretty confusing to work out even a year after the event. What is clear however is the feeling throughout the country that the FA bottled the decision to hand-out a proper penalty for this serious breaking of the Premier League rules, instead preferring to take the soft option of merely a fine.

The point here is that interestingly this past weekend in the Championship, a slightly similar incident occurred in the game between struggling Sheffield Wednesday and then-league-leaders Stoke City. Now the Football League’s rules dictate that in the 16-man squad announced by each team, only five loan players can be included, however, in claiming a late draw against Stoke, Wednesday actually had six loanees, with one of these players (Franck Songo'o, on loan from Portsmouth) actually bagging the vital goal. Within the lower leagues, loan signings are becoming a significantly important part of the process, with Championship sides pushing for promotion to the top flight especially reliant on these extra sprinkles of quality to get over the final hurdle.

In a statement made by Stoke City today, their case in any forthcoming inquiry will include the fact they weakened their own team on Saturday by omitting on-loan duo Paul Gallagher and Gabriel Zakuani to comply with League rules. Wednesday will clearly protest that not all six of their loanees were actually on the pitch on Saturday (hired hands Adam Bolder, from QPR, and Bartosz Slusarki, of West Bromwich Albion remained on the bench throughout) but the sheer fact that one of these six men had a direct impact on the game’s outcome could set a serious precedent. Even though the same scenario has happened once in the past, with Leeds being fined £2,000 after including six loanees in a Championship fixture at Burnley in November 2006, Leeds lost the game in question, so were obviously not seen to have gained any advantage from it.

Without doubt Wednesday will be punished for this, whether it be a fine or even a deduction of the point they earned, but as with Sheffield United last year, it is Stoke who will most likely be left out in the cold. However, with things so tight at the top of the Championship, would the likes of Bristol City, West Brom, Watford and Hull accept it if Stoke were retrospectively awarded the extra two points that they should perhaps be due? It’s an interesting decision certainly, with plenty of speculation all over message boards and 5Live call-ins as to what the ‘fair’ ruling will be. You can’t help but feel that to award Stoke points would set too dangerous a precedent, but if you deduct one from Wednesday then you’re admitting that they didn’t deserve the draw, and surely a Stoke win should stand? Conversely though, punish Wednesday with only a relatively soft fine and it seems to imply that should teams chose to field 11 loan players, they’ll only continue to be punished by a monetary hit. If this is what it takes in order to win games convincingly, then I’m sure plenty of sides will be happy to cough up every match, with the 60million pay-off in the Premier League as the end-goal.

If points weren’t at stake, in a Cup match for example, then undoubtedly Stoke would be awarded the win, but with so much to play for, it’s simply too big a call with one or two points for either side maybe enough to get them promoted or relegated. One compromise would be for Stoke to keep their one point from Saturday whatever happens, and for the two clubs to then replay the fixture for only the remaining two points. Again though, what if players from either side were injured or sent off? As you can see, a veritable quagmire exists for the Football League and the FA to navigate through.

While it’s difficult to see a ruling that awards Stoke two points, the core issue is that an ineligible player directly affected the result of a game. This is a pretty sour pill to swallow for any team, but especially worsened with promotion to the Premier League likely to come down to a single point here or there on April 26^th…

Hammers vs. Blades - round 294 - DingDing!

In a move which has the level of schoolyard vindictiveness normally reserved only for inter-city rivalries, some West Ham fans over at ‘Knees Up Mother Brown’ are offering fans the ultimate chance to stick their virtual middle fingers up at “Sheffield United's bungling gobshite of a Chairman” Kevin McCabe. By going here, you can send the whinging McCabe a postcard from each away ground the Hammers travel to this season, featuring a photo of local highlights that the Blades will be missing out on this year while they languish down in The Real League. This week’s postcard, pictured below, includes a delightful view of Birmingham’s Bullring, where West Ham shall be travelling this weekend. Here at STT we whole-heartedly endorse this kind of behaviour, long may it continue!