Veritas

Sometimes we find unusual conduits for the truth. Buddhists for example have their core doctorines channelled through a disavowed prince who constantly tried starving himself to death. Hindus have an overweight man with four arms and an elephant’s head. Black people have Ice Cube. English football fans today found their font of all knowledge in ex-Blackburn Rovers captain Tim Sherwood, a man who you could have been excused for assuming was dead. With more than two international caps to his name, Sherwood certainly knows what he’s talking about, but cynicism aside, I think this probably as close to full disclosure as you will ever get from anyone inside the England camp:

“If Capello gets them in a room and says: ‘It will never come out from here and I will give you the perfect alibi - how many of you do not want to play for England anymore?’ 70 per cent of that squad would put their hands up. It is just so hard now to play. Not talking about the guys who have one, two, three or four caps - I am talking about the ones who have 36 or 40 caps. They would jack it in. Does Frank Lampard really want to be out there taking that sort of abuse? I don't think he does.”

Interesting stuff, now if only Capello would have the stones to do it and get rid of all the passengers that will be going through the motions tonight.

France vs England – Behind the Scenes

With the Bosman ruling more than a decade old now, we’ve come to take freedom of movement within football for granted, but it got me thinking the other day when I saw Athletico Madrid were keen to sign David Bentley. With such an unbelievably high ratio of foreign players to English in the Premier League these days, you would expect a similar proportion of our national stars applying their trade on the continent, right? I cannot think of a single one. Even throwing the net wider, in recent memory the only ones that can be described as achieving anything approaching success abroad are David Beckham and Owen Hargreaves. Sure Michael Owen and Steve McManaman adequately kept the Madrid bench warm for brief spells, but do you think the likes of Figo and ZZ were pestering the ex-Scousers for tips and tricks in training? Similarly, Inter Milan splashed out ridiculous money on a young Robbie Keane, only for the Irishman to return with his tail between his legs a couple of years later for a cut-price fee, and two years of his career essentially just wasted.

The BBC yesterday ran a very interesting piece along these same lines, trying to work how precisely France built such an imposing football empire towards the end of the 1990s, winning back-to-back major International tournaments with relative ease, while England languished in mediocrity at best. Speaking to the Beeb, ex-Arsenal and France star Gilles Grimandi interestingly spoke about the French mentality to the Bosman ruling: It opened up borders for our players and enabled them to play abroad. More importantly it opened players' minds and gave them greater experience. When you go abroad it can be very challenging and that makes you stronger as a player and a person.” Describing this mature and ambitious way France’s up-and-comers embraced the newfound freedom, former FA technical director and successful Premier League manager Howard Wilkinson wisely agreed with Grimandi’s assessment:“France was the prep school. The rest of Europe became a finishing school for their top players.” Sure the likes of ZZ, Petit, Djorkaeff and Deschamps could naturally all play a bit, but undoubtedly experience with top-class European sides helped them make the jump from ‘good’ to ‘truly great.’ Now it is rare for France’s elite to remain in their national Ligue 1, with English, Spanish, Italian and German clubs clambering over themselves to snap up the prodigious new breed including Ribery, Diarra, Malouda, Benzema and Ben Arfa.

Howard Wilkinson further attributes much of England’s embarrassing international record to the contrast here: “culturally we've always suffered in that English players and coaches have not had any experience playing abroad that some of our competitors have had during their careers.” So why exactly is it that almost exclusively in England players want to stringently stay in their home country? Often it is here that people point to the Premier League top-4’s success in the Champions League, and question why any of the top players would ever want to take a pay-cut and enjoy less success abroad, all for the sake of an ‘education.’ As we’ve said time and time again though, the top-4’s European success is almost in spite of English involvement these days rather than propelled by it, with only 10 out of 44 regular starters for Manchester United, Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool in total hailing from these fine shores.

Given the money in our league these days, club success is virtually guaranteed, but it’s hard to look at parallel timelines of both national and international performances without seeing an inverse correlation over the last 15 years. In no way do foreign players ruin our league, far from it, but they clearly do affect the production of homegrown talent, and more specifically, their advancement to the very top levels of the game. It’s interesting that in addition to David Bentley finally another English player, Frank Lampard, is also apparently in consideration for a summer move to Europe, and to Barcelona in particular. Obviously STT have their own opinion of Mr Lampard, but even his biggest fan must realize that there’s no way he will ever keep Iniesta and Xavi out of the Barce side if they’re both fit. Are we left then with the depressing realization that no English players are abroad because they are simply not good enough? Perhaps; but it’s as much due to certain players’ desire to stay close to family and keep making the big bucks. If available, you can guarantee that many European heavyweights would want a fair few of our goalkeepers, JT, Rio, Hargreaves, Joe Cole, Stevie G and Wayne Rooney, but it’s very unlikely that these would ever risk the move to La Liga or Serie A.

Grimandi also spoke at length however about the approach to everyday training at the major club sides his compatriots played with during the 1990s: “I remember talking to Lilian Thuram, who I played with at Monaco, telling me about his time at Parma and the amount of time in Italy that was spent on tactical work. In France the emphasis was on technique and physical development, so when Lilian came to the national team he brought that experience back with him.” This melting pot of composite styles and innovative approaches is what gave France the edge to win their World Cup and subsequent European Championships. You get the impression though that the weekly Premier League grind dulls the tactical variety and application of even the sharpest coaches, Rafa Benitez and Jose Mourinho being obviously prime examples.

But at grass-roots level too the French seem to value different approaches to us, in fact favouring that suggested here last week, with the French Football Federation (FFF) concentrating on club-neutral technical academies. When a player who has been to a regional academy then signs for a professional club, that team pays compensation to the FFF for the two years spent at the academy, to keep the youngsters fresh and competitive, and also to keep plenty of money in the system. Grimandi continued, talking about the FFF’s flagship Clairefountaine academy: “It's a fantastic school for a young player and is an environment that prepares them for a life as a professional footballer - 75%-80% of players who attend these academies would join a professional club.”

So will the FA direct their planned £200mill towards this kind of set-up? Trevor Brooking, the current FA direct of development, cites his primary aim over the next 5 years to make sure our youngsters are simply more comfortable on ball by the age of 11, but what do the FFF have in the pipeline for next year’s academy influx at that age? Biomechanical training and computerized player simulation, as part of an individual-specific program of developing flexibility, balance and movement. Sounds like science-fiction in comparison to us right? So how do we consistently manage to be about ten steps behind everyone else? Surely that should be the FA’s primary concern now, because as is, this state of affairs is just baffling.

A Sad Day for England, the Dominican Republic and Jamaica

Why you might ask; what do those three countries have in common? Nathan Ellington, that’s what! Currently the ex-Wigan and West Brom man is eligible to play for the above two Caribbean footballing powerhouses, as well as his native England, but in shock news today looks set to shun all three in favour of Bosnia and Herzegovina.

The underwhelming Watford striker has scored more than 2 goals for the Championship high-flyers this season but has apparently already got his eyes set on the international stage. Ellington is married to a Bosnian, and has now revealed that he plans to discover if he can qualify to represent the Balkan nation and fulfill what has supposedly been his dream for years.

Speaking to Bosnian state television yesterday, Ellington said: “I love Bosnia and Herzegovina. I went there last summer with my wife, we visited Sarajevo and several other places. I was fascinated by the beauty of the country. My wife proposed the idea of me playing for their national team and I really liked the idea and I hope to make the contact with the officials soon. I would just like to help them.”

It’s extraordinary isn’t it? I just love the hyperbole surrounding this somewhat shameless final attempt to play international football from a guy that five years ago, had a pretty bright future at Premier League level. I genuinely wonder whether he could point to the country on a map without being prompted.

In other news, I once went on holiday to Liechtenstein so I’m pretty sure I’m eligible to represent them at most sports if they’re interested? I visited Vaduz, along with several other places, and was also fascinated by the beauty of the country if they ask…

Youngsters + Futsal = An English Ronaldinho?

For those of you not in the know, Futsal is a 5-a-side game played on a basketball-sized pitch using a weighted ball, with the emphasis placed on improvisation, creativity and technique rather than fitness and physicality. Not dissimilar from those awesome Nike Scorpio adverts from the 2002 World Cup, Futsal is prevalent throughout Brazil, Portugal, Italy and Spain especially, with such luminaries as Christano Ronaldo and Deco citing the skill-centric game as a major part of making them the players they are today.

Excuse the shit music / epilepsy-inducing flashes and check some examples of it here:

Is it a coincidence that those aforementioned countries just happen to do so well in the professional FIFA world rankings as well then? England’s senior Futsal team on the other hand has won, I kid you not, just 1 game out of 46, and recently suffered a 6 – 3 drumming by Andorra. Sound familiar? Coach Graeme Bell has stated to the BBC that this statistic is representative of the wider problems associated with English football in general, especially the manner in which players are coached at youth level. Flair is outlawed as being ‘too risky,’ while the emphasis is placed on being ‘competitive’ and ‘hard to beat.’ Crunching tackles and hoofing the ball upfield have no place in futsal however. Using my footballing idol as an example, Zinedine Zidane once famously said he felt fortunate to have played football on the streets of Marseille until the age of 14, meaning that no-one had the chance to coach skill and improvisation out of him.

When you look at how composed young foreign players (Fabregas and Messi are prime examples) are on the ball compared to our lot, the chasm is almost insurmountable. Bell continued: “Players find it challenging because space is at a premium on a futsal court, the ball has to be manipulated far more closely to the body. Players also have to do clever things with the ball and their foot skills improve. There is no hiding place on the court, so decision making is absolutely paramount.” Does that not sound exactly like what our national side needs more than anything?

Trying to think of current homegrown players who have what anyone outside of this country would call ‘skill’ is tough. Looking through Premier League squads, few names jump out, with Joe Cole, Wayne Rooney and David Bentley the only ones that really resonate. I honestly can’t remember the last time I saw an English player do a great trick during a game, and wanted to try and replicate it myself. It simply does not happen anymore because our young wingers and strikers are being discouraged to take defenders on. Even foreign wingbacks, such as Patrice Evra and Juliano Belletti to name just two in our league, are able to beat people for fun and are certainly not afraid to do it on the big stage. Our so-called world class players however, are praised for their strength and commitment, rather than for any genuine footballing ability. From a pure entertainment perspective, our league may to the fastest in the world, but without the foreigners, it would undoubtedly be the most boring by a considerable distance.

Graeme Bell concludes ominously: “Unless we start bringing the futsal concepts to the way in which we train young players, we could be having this conversation again in 15 to 20 years' time.”

Gameweek 14 – ‘I’m Busy Next Summer Anyway’

Happy Monday then everyone, and back down to business after the inconvenience of the international break. Shock of the weekend was obviously Manchester United’s loss, and a performance that seemed unusually subdued, creating very little against a determined and physical Bolton side. Second biggest shock was that Steven Gerrard hasn’t actually forgotten how to kick a football, and played almost well against a Newcastle team that were frankly terrible over Saturday lunchtime. Elsewhere, Arsenal, Chelsea, Portsmouth, Villa and Everton continued their excellent form of late, comprehensively winning each of their respective matches.

Sunday’s action saw as woeful a performance as we’ve come to expect from “England international” Jermaine Defoe, as he humiliated himself once again against his old club by having his last minute penalty saved by Rob Green, which would’ve handed Spurs a vital 3 points. Perhaps unexpectedly, one of the games of the weekend also took place yesterday at Craven Cottage, where Fulham ended up sharing the points with Blackburn, having twice taken the lead in an end-to-end thriller in West London.

Finally, a quick R.I.P. to Billy Davies who was unfortunately let go this morning from Derby. He did his best, and let’s face it, I doubt even Mourinho could come in and save them from the drop…

Premier League Team of the Week (based on OPTA stats, Fantasypremierleague.com ratings and my own expert eye):

Keeper – David James (another clean sheet from the old Pro, once again underlining the ridiculousness of not playing him for England)

Defence – Steven Warnock (superb wingback play throughout, topped off with a vital goal), Willem Gallas (inspirational performance as ever from the Arsenal skipper), Olaf Mellberg (solid in defence and marauding in attack), Noe Pamarot (not for the first time this season, the pick of the excellent Pompey backline)

Midfield – Steven Gerrard (why can’t he do this in a white shirt?), Tim Cahill (cracking form from the chilled out Aussie), David Bentley (superb once again for Mark Hughes’ side)

Up Top – Kevin Davies (did what he dirtily does best and was instrumental in Bolton’s defeat of Man U), Yakubu Aiyegbeni (great work-rate in an all round perfect team display), Carlton Cole (gets so much stick, but was as good as I’ve ever seen him against Spurs)

Weekly Awards:

Goal of the Week – Everyone favourite Croatian Niko Kranjčar for his top corner missile to put Pompey out of sight at St Andrew’s. Notable mention to Steven Ireland for his match-winning volley at the City of Manchester stadium as well though.

Meg of the Week – Mr Berbatov’s nails Ethrington good with a Cruyff-turn back through the Hammer’s legs

Save of the Week – Jussi Jääskeläinen continues his excellent run of form with several crucial saves to keep Man United out, the pick of the bunch being a stretched claw to keep out Owen Hargreaves’ dipping freekick.

Skill of the Week – Most of Mikel Arteta’s performance really…megs, backheels, flicks, stepovers, no-look passes. He really has an expansive locker. What ever happened about getting him an English passport then?

Gypsy Curse of the Week – Fernando Torres did literally everything but score on Saturday at St James,’ slotting uncharacteristically wide on several occasions. Call me a hater, but whenever I think of gypsy curses, Jose Antonio Reyes just pops into my head for some reason.

Miss of the Week – Plenty to chose from actually, with Carlos Tevez certainly in the running. Has to go to Michael Chopra though who missed an open goal which would’ve brought the Black Cats back to just 2 – 4 down.

Nearest Lampard came to Contributing…er, of the Week – Shinned a shot into the post. Was incredible on Wednesday though so poor Frank was probably still a bit tired from all that running about avoiding the ball.

Gaffe of the Week – Unlucky Richard Kingson on his debut dives over Sulley Muntari’s tame shot to let Pompey take an early lead.

Day-Off of the Week – Pepe Reina. 90 minutes, no saves.

Justice of the Week – Without doubt Rob Green saving Jermaine Defoe’s peno (his third of the season already) at Upton Park after it was awarded for no contact at all. Why Defoe looks so smug the whole time I do not know.

Flirt of the Week – Patrice Evra and Kevin Davies sure would make a cute couple…

ASBO of the Week – Toss up between Stephen Hunt, for a horrific thigh-high tackle on Fernandes that only drew a yellow card, and professional bruiser Michael Essien for literally just punching Kenny Miller in the face.

The-place-I’d-least-like-to-be of the Week – Just generally anywhere within about 50 metes of Roy Keane.

Whinge of the Week – Carlos Queiroz resurrects the old “intimidation tactics” argument against Bolton, claiming that Man United couldn’t play without the “referee’s protection.”

Quote of the Week – Andy Gray proves just how astute he can be some times : “Well I can only assume they’re all booing (Steven Gerrard) out of respect.” Either that or they just think he’s a over-rated prick who shites it in the big games Andy, that tends to be what it usually means.

Banter of the Week – Steve Coppell waxes lyrical about speculation that he’s interested in the England job : “Yeah the press keep misspelling my name, putting an ‘o’ on the end of it.”

Hero of the Week – Sven Goran Eriksson, for having his coaching credentials completely vindicated by Man City’s continued success. Surely he could not be feeling any happier at the moment?

Zero(s) of the Week – The entire England squad and management. Glad to see most of them being booed, even those not actually playing midweek, during the weekend’s action, but does anyone seriously expect that to actually register with any of them?

Personal Highlight of the Week – This cheeky chappy appearing at Goodison Park at half time. Rumours that Roy Keane tried to find a kit and get him on for the second half have yet to be denied:

In all seriousness though, STT does firmly support the cause in raising awareness of testicular cancer, and thoroughly encourages all men out there to inspect themselves as often as possible. However, can you please stop sending us pictures of the process? We don’t care if our WAG specials “helped.” You know who you are. Until next week, we Audi 5000

Silver Lining

Following Wednesday night’s abject failure, the STT editorial office was turned on its head. Glass was smashed, files were thrown, computers were dropped out of windows. Basically, it was like any regular Sunday morning in that maintenance cupboard the Daily Sport is produced in. Anyway, now that the dust has literally settled, the blood has dried, and we’ve found an undamaged PC to write on, it’s time to look at the positives and try to move forward.

It is clear that we need a serious regime change, both on and off the field. I don’t blame McClaren, I just feel a bit sorry for him because he so obviously only ever brought in as a patsy in the first place. We need a manager who wants to play football (remember that?) and is given the freedom to not only pick the squad himself, but to experiment without the constant fear of being fired. We need an almost completely new pool of young players who are talented enough to play however they’re asked to play, and also more importantly, are actually passionate enough about the game to play with the same level of pride felt by all the fans. Say what you want about guys like Alan Smith and even Joey Barton, but at least they’d be committed to the cause and not just going through the motions like so many of our current crop seem to.

The archetype to follow has been established by the Netherlands. Having failed to qualify for World Cup 2002, serious questions were asked of the team, and essentially they were all given one last chance to prove their pedigree. Despite then reaching the semi-finals of Euro 2004, Coach Dick Advocaat was criticized for his tactics and team selection, ultimately stepping down from the job after the tournament to make way for Dutch legend Marco van Basten. He made it clear what he wanted to achieve, and this meant looking not two years the future, but 4 or even 8 in advance. As such, many of the team's world-class veterans like the two de Boers, Edgar Davids, Clarence Seedorf, Marc Overmars, Jaap Stam and Patrick Kluivert either chose to retire or were simply not selected for the upcoming World Cup 2006 squad by the new coach. Sure, the 2006 campaign wasn’t an overt success, losing 1 – 0 to Portugal in the tournament’s first knockout stage, but the important fact to focus on is that this young team has stayed together, and will do for at least another World Cup, when you can guarantee that they will be there or thereabouts when it matters. By establishing a team where the majority are under 25, van Basten knew that he could use the exact same squad for several tournaments to come and, given the vote of confidence by the Dutch FA, had plenty of time to get the best out of them, with the pressure off.

This has to be the approach of the British FA now that Mr McClaren has been officially let go. Take their time to find the right manager who will inspire confidence in the players, and show him the trust the Dutch FA have demonstrated in van Basten. Players need to be picked objectively, with the 2010 World Cup in mind as the first test. Over-rated stars who go missing in the big games need to be shown the door to make way for fresh blood who are prepared to bleed for the shirt if that’s what it takes. Monetary incentives should be removed, and anyone who is arrogant enough to not play for their country for free needs to be forgotten about. As such, here is what STT have come up with and we suggest that this group of players start getting together as soon as possible…

Proposed 2010 World Cup Team:

GK - Ben Foster

RB - Micah Richards

CB - John Terry

CB - Stuart Taylor

LB - Nedum Onuoha

RW - Gabriel Agbonlahor

CM - Mark Noble

CM - Michael Johnson

LW - David Bentley. That boy's got some moves.

CF - Wayne Rooney

CF – Dean Ashton

Other notables – Theo Woolcott, Aaron Lennon, James Milner, Matt Derbyshire, Nigel Reo-Coker, Ashley Young, Luke Moore, Justin Hoyte, Gary O’Neill, Matt Taylor, Nicky Shorey,

As ever, praise, suggestions, abuse and erectile dysfunction related spam to the usual address – sniffingtt@hotmail.com

Why we give ourselves 'The Claw'

The trend towards living vicariously through an electronic intermediary is more obvious today than ever before, with easy opportunities to shop, stalk (sorry, “socially interact”), adopt actual children and most importantly, play football like the ghost of George Best.

The advances since these early games to the modern re-incarnations of the FIFA and ISS (or Pro Evo for those of you born after 1990) series are staggering, so we at STT feel that it’s about time people asked: Are we at the stage where modern console football is better than playing real-life football? You know, outside…on actual grass…physically kicking a ball yourself.

Taking a cursory glance at the obesity of the majority of today’s youth, I’d say it’s pretty obvious where their allegiances lie, but as a slightly (whisper it) older computer gamer, I would always happily throw my friend’s X-Box 360 out of a window given half the chance to nutmeg a real person and call it, or chip an actual goalkeeper. There are even added health and social benefits that I need not spell out, but at the end of the day, personally nothing will ever top that feeling of scoring a wonder-volley or puling off a textbook Maradona spin.

Don’t get me wrong, I still love the jeering/outright violence that comes from Pro Evo, and there is definitely some perverse satisfaction of waking up the morning after playing a World Cup with what pilots refer to as Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, and what seasoned players will know as ‘the claw.’ At heart, it’s a geek’s game played by absolute hooligans, but herein lies its hook; no matter if you’re fat, thin, tall or short, the Pro Evo field is level. That fat, pale, fast-food dependant friend of yours can compete, and rather than seeing it as a fun football simualtor, he is able to see Matrix-style to the core of the game. Futhermore, nature has seen it fit to offset his natural ‘big bones’ with a secret weapon far beyond the realm of human physicality – fingers more powerful than Lindsey Lohan’s inner thighs.

His moments of glory are emphasised by another key difference between the two schools: when you are put to the sword in Pro Evo, there are no excuses. That childhood injury that stopped you from playing for West Ham, or any amount of cigarettes and booze, do not carry into the electronic realm, making every defeat that bit more wrist-slittingly personal. I’ve seen chairs put through windows, proper punches thrown, and friendships genuinely ruined over those simple polygons. In perhaps the greatest case of bad-sportsmanship I have ever come across, a friend of mine even destroyed his copy of FIFA ’04 after losing and sent a letter, along with the broken pieces of the disc, to EA Sports (makers of the FIFA series) to complain about the standard of the refereeing in the game after what he saw as a perfect goal was disallowed. Suffice to say he didn’t receive a response.

Still not convinced of Pro Evo’s validity in the football realm? Let me put it this way then: computerised football is literally as close as you will actually ever get to destroying Arjen Robben with a tackle of the ferocity normally reserved only for Mortal Kombat fatalities…over and over and over again…

So what are we left with? I guess each mode of the beautiful game has its advantages…perhaps if we were to integrate the best elements of computerised football into the Premier League, that would be a happy compromise. Therefore each player has to be incredibly stoned, and everyone has a magic ‘through-ball’ button then right?