Genius

It’s not often that we just lift other people’s articles word for word, but sometimes a writer just hits the nail so accurately on the head that even my fantastically oversized ego will not allow me to have another crack at. So here then, presented unabridged for your collective enjoyment, is a few words of wisdom from The Times’ sports editor, directed at a certain Shaun Wright-Phillips from last week's newspaper:

“As anyone who has taken on the Herculean task of interviewing him would confirm, it is difficult to feel sorry for Shaun Wright-Phillips, a young man as uncooperative as he is inarticulate, but his plight over the last seven days is deserving of considerable sympathy.

After spending three years counting his money and first-team opportunities on the bench at Chelsea – the former with a children’s calculator and the latter with the fingers of his right-hand – the England midfield player plucked up the courage to return to Manchester City in search of regular football, only for his new club to promptly go out and sign Robinho, the player whose imminent arrival had finally persuaded him to leave Stamford Bridge.

It may take a while, but anyone with a spare couple of hours at Eastlands should sit down and explain to Wright-Phillips the meaning of the word irony.”

Giggsy Graduation

It’s been a pretty good year for Ryan Giggs. Not only has he won his second Champions League medal, his tenth Premier League medal, and surpassed Sir Bobby Charlton’s appearance record for the club, but now he has finally captured the one thing he’s always longed for. Yes finally the Manchester hero has been awarded an honorary degree by the University of Salford. The 33-year-old midfielder was made a Master of Arts yesterday for his contribution to sport and his unstinting charity work. As an ambassador for UNICEF, he regularly campaigns for children in South Africa who have been diagnosed with HIV and AIDS. Hang on though, an MA just for kicking a ball about and some charity work? I’m sure he does his best but show some control people. That actually makes him technically more qualified than me!

Giggs lucidly said: “I'm really pleased to accept this degree. When I started my career as a professional footballer I didn't envisage that one day I'd be made Master of Arts. I grew up in Salford and it's been a big part of my life for 30 years, so it's great to be a part of Salford University now.” Vice-Chancellor of the University of Salford, Professor Michael Harloe said: “We are delighted to present this degree to Ryan. It is not only his great achievements on the pitch for which he deserves recognition, but for his valuable charity work with developing countries.”

Rumours that he aims to follow up this fantastic academic achievement with a doctorate course in David Beckham studies have yet to be confirmed or denied.

Forget Me Notts

So everyone knows footballers are monumentally stupid, it’s pretty much a given. It isn’t like you have to be a moron to want to play football, far from it, but the point is that to make it at the very top level you have to do it often to the detriment of your studies. If you’re good enough, you’re old enough, and these days that normally means being selected by a top club before reaching the teenage abyss. If it’s a choice between football and maths, what are you gonna choose, especially at that kind of age?

Prepare to be shocked then that a footballer is currently triumphing on student afternoon haven, Countdown, where you have to do ridiculously hard things like anagrams and long division. Notts County midfielder Neil MacKenzie has made history as the first footballer to appear on the Channel 4 quiz, famous more for its strangely alluring nerdy women than its intellectual merit. MacKenzie is proving a hit on the show, against all odds, and has actually won five episodes in a row, shooting to the top of the leaderboard. “He's proving to be a strong contestant and has a broad vocabulary which is essential to do well,” said associate producer Kate Horton helpfully. Amazingly that vocabulary extends beyond, “I got the fucking ball” and “you need glasses you fucking cheat,” before you make that joke.

If you’re unemployed today then, make sure you check out the midfielder this afternoon as he looks to continue his reign in the Champion’s Chair, aiming for a sixth win. He is currently just three wins away from the maximum of eight wins, where apparently you reach something called ‘Octochamp’ status. Conjecture that this is celebrated by getting a rusty trombone off Carol Vorderman has yet to be confirmed or denied by the show’s media officers.