I’m No a Fackin Bufty!

Since it’s a new year, it’s a new opportunity for all the bleeding hearts around the country to complain that football fans are too ‘aggressive’ or ‘racist’ or ‘homophobic.’ It’s pretty irritating because, let’s face it, if I can’t accuse a grown man I’ve never met of taking it up the arse for cash in the safety of a football stadium, where else am I gonna do it? Regardless, it’s the FA’s hot topic at the moment, and 2009 signals the start of a full-on offensive against homophobic behaviour, in an attempt to kick this unsavoury attitude out of football in much the same successful way as racism. When the FA get a bee in their bonnet, things really change, just ask Sol Campbell.

Anyway, while Britain attempts to jump into the 21st century, Italy is still delightfully stone-age about such matters, with national coach Marcello Lippi claiming that no gay footballers have ever, or will ever, exist. He’s so deliciously old school: “I don’t think there are any gay players, or at least in 40 years of my career I have never met any. It could well be that there are a few with these tendencies, but they don’t go around telling people about it. Considering the way football players are, it really would be a complicated condition to deal with in the locker room. If someone came to me and confessed they were gay, I would advise them to not let any of that affect them, just concentrate on their profession and feel free to do what they want in their private lives.”

I’m sure after these comments, any confused players will be certainly heading straight to Mr. Lippi for advice, confident that he’s a worldly modern guy.

In a hilarious coincidence, these comments came on the same day as a ‘world-class’ rent boy claiming to have several Serie A footballers in his pink roladex. What exactly it is that makes him ‘world-class’ is a question for a far more intrepid reporter than I, but what is clear is that the chap goes by the name Victory, and is said to be an ex-third division player himself.

He offered this expose: “I have about 30 clients who are footballers and I would say that a dozen are Serie A and national team players – several times I have been asked to take part in group sex sessions. They all know I am a footballer as well but they like me because I am discreet. A lot of them are bisexual, they are married or have girlfriends. They have a respectable image but none of them will ever admit to being gay, not for the time being anyway.” See the back of his hooded head, and hear the above transcript spoken in a language you probably don’t know, for yourself.