From East Anglia to Hollywood

Apologies in advance for any offence that might be caused, but let’s be honest, Norwich is not exactly the most glamorous place in the UK, which is why this story is all the more surprising. Former Canaries captain Jason Shackell (nick-named ‘Nutsack’ by his pals) has been injured recently so he did the sensible thing and disappeared off to LA on the club dollar to, er, recuperate. Now we all know that American chicks, like, totally dig the British accent, and being a ‘soccer player’ out there right now is, like, so the bestest thing ever, but Nutsack isn’t exactly D. Beck is he?

It is therefore pretty incomprehensible how the 6’4” central defender managed to not only get himself on US prime-time TV show The Hills, but also managed to (allegedly) speed-bang the hottest girl in it, Lauren something-or-other. Now for those of you without pubescent sisters (or girlfriends) The Hills is kind of like The O.C., but the twist is that it’s REAL; you know, like, unscripted. Apparently people are expected to believe that in the course of following around a group of pretty but vacant blondes in L.A., they really do get randomly approached to start modeling careers, and they really do have ex-boyfriends suddenly coming out of the blue, timed perfectly to upset their new relationships. To summarise then, it’s awful, but let’s not take anything away from Nutsack.

A transcript of his acting debut is featured in the new issue of Four-Four-Two magazine and it is truly hilarious, so make sure you check that out. Those crazy Americans girls eh, they are always e-mailing! Quite how conservation like that actually led to him getting inside Lauren is beyond me; LA might be the city of dreams but it clearly isn’t the city of triple-figure IQs. Anyway, enough bitterness, watch the whole show for yourself here if you have literally nothing else to do for half an hour. The undoubted highlight for Shackell must be this quote from the show; I am actually really quite jealous and hope one day a similarly hot American girl says this about me:

Lauren: (to Audrina) I just found an adorable boy from London with an accent who's leaving tomorrow. (looks at him and holds up hands) Jackpot!