Roo's your Cousin?

It's always been pretty obvious that Wayne Rooney may not be of the poshest stock, hailing from the hell of Croxteth, but his family have so far been kept away from the public eye, probably in case they poked it. Unlike David Beckham's high profile mum, dad and sister and Frank Lampard's footballing superfamily, the Rooney clan have been left to their own devices by the press, as they focus on the more exciting topics of Coleen and Wayne's wedding and both Ronaldos' various sexual proclivities.

Still, Rooney's family are vermin and in a city that holds Coleen as its idol, one of the Rooney clan is getting her kit off. Wayne's cousin Natalie has a brand new 32F rack and is determined to show it to the world via the superglossies, such as OK! and Hello!!!. Sadly, they haven't been returning her calls, so in the meantime sh's been doing shoots for Nuts, Zoo and the testosterone-dripping Max Power, all dressed up in Primark scanties. Bookies are now taking bets on her first footballer boyfriend, with professional scallyrat Ashley Cole the current favourite, but it wouldn't surprise STT if Rio Ferdinand had a ride, just to merc Wazza.