11 April, 2008

We Have the Technology, We Can Rebuild Him

In a move that takes him impressively closer to actually becoming Robocop, Petr Cech is to now sport not only the padded skullcap he has been wearing since October 2006, but also a protective mask after he needed 50 stitches in his lip and chin earlier this week following a training-ground collision with Tal Ben-Haim. The problem is however, with deputy Carlo Cudicini also now sidelined with a hamstring injury, Chelsea boss Avram Grant needs to rush Cech back for the Champions League semi-final first-leg against Liverpool in two weeks, as at the moment third-choice Hilario is the only senior goalkeeper available for the Blues. The Chelsea big-wigs are considering asking the Premier League if they can make an emergency loan signing, with Aston Villa’s Thomas Sorensen and Manchester City’s Andreas Isaksson possible targets, but it’s yet to be seen if they will be allowed to.

It was claimed earlier in the week that Cech would have to undergo treatment for six months for such an injury, but he had these words for the Independent yesterday: “If I were a normal patient, it could be like that. But as I have to play football, we are trying to find a way to protect the wound – to be back as soon as possible. My face is sewn, so we must find a way to protect it from tearing again. Once this problem is solved I will restart training. But how long it will take, I do not know.” Now he’s obviously a pretty tough guy, and kudos for wanting to keep playing through the pain, but surely this is just getting a bit of hand? Can you not just let the poor guy chill out for a bit? It won’t be long before he gets both arms and legs broken too, and ends up essentially a cross between cool-new Batman and the Terminator. Actually, scrap what I just said, that’d be ace, especially if he hooked up with other previous mask-wearing footballers to cleanse the streets, and administer their own unique brand of urban justice.

Anyway, behind-closed-doors work has reportedly already begun on constructing a personalised headgear/mask combo, with top-ranking government officials from the Czech Republic forging a unique creation in the hidden underground volcanic fires of the Cheb area, near the Czech-German border. We’ll keep you posted…

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